Alfred Barnes
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BALTIMORE — Local slob Bud Brokert attempted to defy the odds by devouring a meatball sub while wearing his last…
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Rachel Hein
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NEW YORK — An artificial intelligence system confirmed Monday that it has entered the race for People magazine’s annual “Sexiest…
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Patrick Coyne
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LANGLEY, Va. — The CIA hired Korn frontman Jonathan Davis to teach operatives how to control bullets through scatting following…
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Steve Packosky
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LOS ANGELES — The Ronnie James Dio hologram created by digital holography production company Eyellusion in 2016 is already refusing…
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Bobby Korec
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POTTSVILLE, Pa. — Local couple Jules Rainier and Victor Trembino welcomed a newborn baby in a last-ditch effort to save…
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Charles Bill
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BUFFALO, N.Y. — A local disturbed man took bankgoers hostage and threatened to execute one every hour until his friends…
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Steve Packosky
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ROUND ROCK, Texas — Noise artist Ronny Sours made the unforgivable mistake of forgetting to tune his vacuum cleaner before…
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Steve Packosky
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LOS ANGELES — A guy overheard talking outside of a local coffee shop refused to shut the fuck up about…
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Mimi Kenny
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BOSTON — Local Bostonian Shawn Williams is still as much of an asshole as any other 47-year-old white male in…
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Jamie Godin
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WASHINGTON — Discord Records co-founder and legendary punk frontman Ian MacKaye is facing accusations of selling out after posting a…
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