LA CROSSE, Wis. — Local Democrat Kevin Forrester automatically responded “STOP” to a friend’s genuine request for financial help after months of conditioning, sources report.…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem revealed that she shot a department watchdog in the face simply because she didn’t like them, Congressional…
Perhaps overshadowed by “Terminator 2” at the time, “Point Break” is nevertheless regarded as a 1990s action classic, and the first big hit by Oscar-winning…
ITHACA, N.Y. — Elite private institution Bournestown University released a new campus brochure today touting the diversity of the college’s nearby prison, sources confirmed. “Here…
WASHINGTON — The United States Supreme Court reportedly began adding “no worries if not” at the end of all rulings President Donald Trump could potentially…
Ew, gross! You just got off your grandmother’s couch while you were visiting her and you accidentally brushed against the crucifix on her wall! You…
ST. LOUIS — An emotionally withdrawn mosh pit refused to open up despite the raw power of Swedish death metal band Amon Amarth’s performance at…
JAMESTOWN, N.Y. — Local punk prodigy Marriott Dubois puked onstage during his preschool recital, solidifying his arrival in the local scene, confirmed sources who were…
BURGETTSTOWN, Pa. — The mosh pit at a concert by popular metal band Pantera doubled as a team-building activity for local police officers, disgusted sources…
In honor of the 20 year anniversary of their smash debut album Contraband, the surviving members of Velvet Revolver have announced a reissue that is…
Target Attempts to Win Back LGBTQ+ Community by Announcing Company Mascot Bullseye is a Power Bottom
Target Attempts to Win Back LGBTQ+ Community by Announcing Company Mascot Bullseye is a Power Bottom
MINNEAPOLIS — Retail giant Target announced a last ditch effort to win back support from the LGBTQ+ community by revealing their beloved mascot Bullseye is…
Overcoming gender expectations is tough. From infancy, we are all indoctrinated in ways subtle and overt to fulfill a rigid set of expectations foisted upon…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Newest member of Slipknot Brett Francese found himself struggling to look busy during his first day on the job, sources report.…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local cash-strapped punk father Eric Mallory was left with no other choice but to boil and eat the multicolored pasta necklace his…
It’s easy for society to blame parents for all the problems today’s youth are experiencing. It’s even easier for society to point their fingers at…