BIRMINGHAM, England — A large number of the attendees of Black Sabbath’s upcoming reunion show at Villa Park announced their plans to yell “Crazy Train”…
Here at The Hard Times, a lot of us fancy ourselves to be sort of armchair history buffs. As we’re fond of saying around the…
RICHMOND, Va. — A small group of goths squatting at a local residence were mistaken for Victorian ghosts, confirmed police sources. “It was kind of…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Local gym rat and self-proclaimed doomsday prepper Brock Crocker is really hoping that the next new world order will be rowing-centric, multiple…
Like any aspiring anarchist, I want to do what I can to burn this entire rotten system to the ground and bring in a new…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — An Ira Glass lookalike contest was held at a Yo La Tengo concert this week, confirmed sources who weren’t sure whether it…
CHICAGO — Local woman Wendy Sachs felt “incredibly lucky” to hear the worst cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” ever written by a human in her…
We’re big classic rock fans here at the Hard Times, so it naturally follows that we love genre stalwarts Led Zeppelin. From the trailblazing drumwork…
LOS ANGELES — Progressive metal band Tool recently announced the “Lateralus Gold” experience, which involves fans paying $10,000 to massage all four men in the…
MODESTO, Calif. — A local arsonist who torched a brand new Cybertruck as it sat on the lot of a nearby Tesla dealership claims his…
I’ve worked my entire life trying to break into this industry. Several years as a violinist, a stint with indie rock, and a regrettable six…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison the entire local ecosystem for…
ABILENE, Texas — Local school sports fan Steven Flick will no longer offer his support if there’s a chance he could accidentally ogle a trans…
Are you a man over 30 with a little tummy and weird patches of overgrown body hair sprouting from your torso? Are you tired of…
MELBOURNE — Leading archaeology authorities excitedly reported they’re narrowing in on finally unearthing a song by Jet that isn’t “Are You Gonna Be My Girl,”…