It’s a normal problem: your friend brought you to this exclusive sex party, but you want to listen to Sufjan Stevens. Suddenly, you’re in a…
As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s…
Hey, uh, bit of a situation here. I’m a few measures into my song and just realized I made a grave mistake. The bridge has…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of renowned San Francisco Anarcho-Punk band Reagan Splinter announced that in the past few years, they’ve moved away from their original…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad and notorious shit disturber Walter Morris patiently waited for a lull during his family’s lovely Christmas dinner to launch into…
MADISON, Wis. — Local screen printer Peter Taylor admitted he could really use the $10 check his grandmother would send him every Christmas until her…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
NEW YORK — High-ranking Ticketmaster executive Chuck Dickenson reportedly charged significant fees to three ghosts who were visiting to teach him a timely lesson about…
It’s Christmas again, and your elderly family members still don’t understand how basic technology works. While you’re excited for free food, gifts, and general merriment,…
It’s that special time of year, a time when we gather those we hold dear to our hearts and celebrate everything past, present, and future…
MINNEAPOLIS – Young musician Carrie Weaver miraculously discovered that the only way they can remain in awe of their grizzled punk mentor Karen Cunt is…
Listen, I know I can be a jerk sometimes, but there was absolutely no reason that the Ghost of Christmas Past had to bother me…
WASHINGTON — President Biden issued thousands of pardons related to marijuana possession in a move that experts say will negate decades of Vice President Harris’…
It was supposed to be another Uber ride. After I received confirmation, I thought it was strange that my driver’s photo looked like A-list movie…
LOS ANGELES – Local mom Sally Perryman continues to worry that her daughter’s longtime close friend Josephine Lukas — originally met via an online message…