ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon told himself this morning that the insect he caught crawling across his bed, and that is “definitely responsible”…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon has officially decided he’ll “give it a few days” before telling his roommates about the weird bites found…
ABINGTON, Mass. — The 14 punks that make up the entire DIY music scene of their suburban town are reportedly relieved to soon be done…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Liza Epperson realized yesterday that her new girlfriend, who allegedly described herself as “emo” in her Tinder bio, more closely resembles…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Due to newly implemented postal regulations, we cannot deliver your horoscope this week, Aries. Check for a slip in your mailbox…
PITTSBURGH — The investigative true crime podcast She’s Not There has finally solved the mystery of how listeners can save 20 percent on their first…
SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Local PacSun employee Patrick “Pat” Graham could not solve a captcha test Tuesday afternoon that asked him to click “every real…
TULSA, Okla. — Local white student Tiffany Copeland took part in an ancient rite of passage today, effectively transforming into a full-blooded Native American by…
JERSEY CITY, N.J. — An unidentified man is still at large today after five separate incidents of parting people by delicately placing his hands on…
AKRON, Ohio — Everyone attending last night’s metal show at the famed Forked Tongue venue thought your shirt was really cool, witnesses confirmed this morning.…
TORONTO — DEBASER fanzine editor Josh “Dishrag” Visser announced plans today to mark the publication’s 10th anniversary by releasing its third issue, excited sources confirmed.…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Be careful with that dynamic, childlike energy of yours this week, Aries. As charming as that characteristic may be, when the…













