PLANO, Texas — Aging punk Jordie Farmer reportedly shaved down the sides of his back last night, creating a full torso extension of the mohawk…
CHICAGO — A pair of tickets to Riot Fest purchased several months ago is reportedly the only thing keeping local couple Chloe Jackson and Reese…
TORONTO — Yoga enthusiast Melissa Christie discovered last night that her yoga mat had been used, presumably by one of her three roommates and their…
LOS ANGELES — NOFX frontman “Fat” Mike Burkett held a press conference yesterday to apologize for a series of insensitive comments he wished he could…
TUKWILA, Wash. — Tukwila musicians of all genres are mourning today after the town’s only competent drummer, Jeffrey Joyce, announced last night his intention to…
TUCSON, Ariz. — A local show’s merch line was held up last night for more than 11 minutes when aging punk rocker John “The Don”…
LOS ANGELES — Local goth Jenny Carlisle successfully subverted cosmetic trends earlier this week by having her asshole professionally darkened at a nearby salon, unenthused…
NEW YORK — The 42nd Street/Times Square subway station was tight on space early yesterday evening after Rush drummer Neil Peart set up over 20…
WORCESTER, Mass. — A grant application submitted by the University of Massachusetts Medical School for “the expressed intent of further gaining understanding in what the…
CLEVELAND — Showgoer Timothy Boyce has become trapped in a mosh pit after his panicked flailing and aggressive shouting were mistaken as genuine moshing, witnesses…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Don’t let judgement hold you back this week, Aries. Just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you can’t go into Hot Topic…
FAIRVIEW, Kan. — Local mother Deanna Jones dropped off her eldest son Jason in the parking circle of Fairview High School this morning for the…














International Essay Prize Awarded to YouTube Comment Explaining Why Deafheaven Isn’t Black Metal
MONTREAL — The internationally-recognized Rodgers-Mayhew Essay Award was given yesterday to SoundMatters99, a Youtube commenter who succinctly dissected the genre minutia of popular indie-metal band…