NEW YORK — Local Parole Officer Janet Williams admitted she was in a state of disbelief while cataloging the “dumbest fucking tattoos” of hardcore music scene members, thick-necked sources report.
“I’ve seen a lot of tattoos in my 30 years as a PO, but dealing with these guys has been eye-opening. Each one is covered, with most of their oldest tattoos on their necks. Who gets their first tattoo on their neck? And these gang names—they’re all just initials. It’s so confusing,” said a flustered Williams. “Today alone, I noted six crossed baseball bats, a pit bull head, a black stallion, a whiffle ball, a ski mask riddled with bullet holes, 17 brass knuckles, a black-and-white figure on a cross, a Raggedy Ann Doll and nine shamrocks. And that’s all on one guy. One of his tattoos said, ‘Fuck Adam P.’ I asked him who Adam P. was, and he had no idea what I was talking about.”
While Williams may find this phenomenon surprising, local scene elder Robby ‘Curb’ Kowalski notes the importance of tattoos in the hardcore scene.
“Heyo, listen up. When I was coming up, if you wanted to be in the scene, you had to get a tattoo that implied you’d hurt someone. None of this meaningful trash about ‘representing your mom’s battle with cancer’ you see on the tattoo shows—just a tattoo that says you’ll beat a head in. Or that you’re an antiracist into unity. Either is cool,” said Kowalski while practicing his roundhouse kicks by the high school. “Of course, that was before the scene went to shit seven years ago. I got my first tattoo, a bloody switchblade when I was seven from a guy in a Lower East Side squat. Kids today are probably too busy listening to Turnstile on Spotify to get 40-year-old band logos tattooed on their faces. Sad state of affairs.”
Dr. Marjorie Abernathy, a Sociology Professor at Williamsburg Community College, thinks this is a non-issue.
“I know that hardcore guys look scary, but their tattoos are more like a peacock’s fanciful tail—if peacocks gathered in large groups, acted tough all the time, and lived in their mom’s basements,” said Dr. Abernathy. “Identifying markers like tattoos have been part of all tribes since the beginning of time. Throughout history, people without these markers are considered posers, and you can’t let that shit in the scene.”
Officer Williams was unavailable for further comment as she was being reminded of the struggle and the streets.