Kevin Tit
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November 9, 2020
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after…
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Tim Nash
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November 9, 2020
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album,…
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Johnny Mo
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November 8, 2020
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night…
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John Dixon
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November 8, 2020
ATLANTA — Adam Hansen, the lead vocalist of death metal band Corpse Licker and best known for his flowing locks…
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Salim Alam
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November 8, 2020
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical…
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Henrik Persson
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November 8, 2020
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local gym rat Paul Deetz started his workout today with a full seven minutes of rest…
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Jon Wood
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November 7, 2020
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democrat Joe Biden’s Presidential acceptance speech was interrupted today by rapper-turned-presidential candidate Kanye West, who rushed the…
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Ryan Danley
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November 7, 2020
SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic…
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Lauren Lavín
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November 7, 2020
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local man David Baker’s ever-growing rat tail has reached a length that “definitely soaks it in the…
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Taylor Roebuck
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November 7, 2020
PHILADELPHIA — Local band The Shit Kickers condemned their second place prize and disputed the accuracy of the applause-o-meter today…
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