SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “beard guy” Reggie Eustace transitioned back into “no personality guy” yesterday after shaving off his beard, leaving him with no discernible…
LOS ANGELES – Molly Connolly, the subject of mid-00s emo band Say Anything’s fan favorite song “Every Man Has a Molly,” revealed in a press…
CARY, N.C. — Local co-op worker Alan Swanson is fed up with assumptions that he’s somehow in charge of coworkers at least 12 years his…
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech startup Ampt Ventures announced on Tuesday that, in an effort to cultivate a fun, company culture, their Bay Area office now…
DENVER — Local high schooler Jake Fritzler astounded his teachers today by scoring 1050 on the SAT despite entering nothing but the sequence “ACAB” on…
CINCINNATI — Local resident Ricardo Korm reportedly asked several passersby for money yesterday to buy Patreon-exclusive content from his favorite podcasts, according to sources outside…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Amateur musician Ryan Mason spent countless hours through the last couple weeks crafting a flyer for his band’s show tonight, forgetting…
ODESSA, Texas — Touring hardcore band Mormon Conversion Unit was criticized last night for failing to observe the established etiquette of wiping down the equipment…
AUBURN, Maine — Local man David Strathe asked locals yesterday where he could donate blood while frantically attempting to balance multiple bags, sacks, containers, and…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Former skater and aging punk Brett Ryerson claimed his spot yesterday as the world’s biggest Pulley fan, citing his ownership of their…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently deceased man Jerry Davidson confessed on his deathbed last week that Juggalos, the clown-faced fans of Insane Clown Posse, are an…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Newly related step-siblings Kara Sullivan and Aiden Zendowski have very little to no sexual chemistry, confused and frustrated sources living in the…
PRIPYAT, Ukraine — Officials at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant discovered yesterday a fourth HAIM sister buried beneath a previously untouched mass of uranium fuel…
MESA, Ariz. — Indie-folk band The Fox and the Nightingale discovered during a jam session at their new practice space last night that what their…
LONDON — “Black Mirror” show creator Charlie Brooker admitted today that he’s struggling to conceive of the scariest thing a rogue FitBit could do as…