PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Best Buy’s nationwide Black Friday sale reportedly includes huge discounts on labor with their employees being paid half-off of what they should…
GRESHAM, Ore. — Local bargain hunter Terry Hodges was relieved to discover that the writhing, chaotic mass of humanity trampling him in order to procure…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — News that you will not be attending Thanksgiving dinner this year over ongoing concerns surrounding the coronavirus pandemic caused your elderly…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
WEST HAVEN, Conn. — Local man Nick Gransby is doing surprisingly well for himself with a loving family and fulfilling career, despite having never left…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Brittany Mullins instructed her punk boyfriend Miles Blanchard not to mention his job, band, car, hobbies, drinking habit, religious…
DENVER — Customers of local hotspot SlashCheese, a metal-themed pizza shop with a fittingly grungy exterior and blaring metal playing constantly, reported that the graphic…
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Legendary rock band Weezer surprised audiences at this past weekend’s Ugly Sweater Festival when their set consisted entirely of ironic versions…
HURSTBOURNE, Ky — Local technophile Dean Espinosa made yet another fucking pencil holder after needlessly blowing $10,000 on a 3D printer, frustrated familial sources confirmed.…
BOSTON — Local landlord Viktor Lind used his precious time and resources to add a fresh coat of paint to a dead mouse in the…
NEW YORK — Local punk Than Luethke reports that the majority of his caloric intake comes from the free wine and cheese platters offered at…
SAN FRANCISCO — The new Metallica Masterclass program where they teach viewers how to be a band is being called confusing and misleading by subscribers…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
IRVINE, Calif. — Giddy Zillow executives announced in a Facebook post Tuesday morning that they were the proud owners of their 643rd home in one…
Engagement Announcement Overshadowed by More Popular Couple Adopting Dog
SEATTLE — Newly engaged couple Daryl Stein and Hannah West are absolutely livid that their celebratory post got significantly less likes than their friend’s post…