VATICAN CITY – The Holy See Press Office announced that Pope Francis chose the calming embrace of death rather than experience any additional time spent…
NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump delayed the annual White House Easter Egg Roll a in order to allow time to thank all the corporate sponsors…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump attended Ash Wednesday service at St. John’s Episcopal Church, Lafayette Square, where he reportedly asked the reverend performing the service…
BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Consumers across the nation broadly agreed that easter candy tastes better than regular candy despite being made of the same ingredients, sources…
AUSTIN — Local punk Kyle Burnett’s annual Easter egg painting tradition took an interesting turn after he drove to a nearby police station to throw…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Christian rock band The Exalted reunited just three days after shocking their local scene with a breakup announcement, churchgoing sources confirmed. “It…
Imagine watching the rich history of your people bastardized by a clueless and indifferent public and then being expected to go along with it because…
WASHINGTON — God’s only begotten son Jesus Christ is actively distancing himself and his constituents from Republicans across the globe upon his return to Earth…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Festive plant-based parent Taryn Jacobs delighted her three children on Easter Sunday by hiding bottles of JUST Egg throughout her co-housing community’s…
WASHINGTON — President Trump showcased his overflowing Easter basket earlier today after outperforming “low IQ” children during the annual Easter egg hunt on the White…
JERUSALEM — Local punk and Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is reportedly running “an hour late, 90 minutes tops, bro” to rise at his own…
After months of anticipation, the First Presbyterian Church of Lakeland Community Easter Egg Hunt premiered this morning to massive acclaim. Critics and audiences alike are…
LANSING, Mich. — The frontman of Christian metalcore band Kiss Me Judas predicted last night that one of his bandmates would soon betray him, confirmed…
BOSTON – Attendees of a Sunday hardcore matinee were both stunned and blessed to witness the resurrection of revered holy figure Jesus Christ. Christ, 33,…