Another year has begun, just like the year before it, and sadly, the year before that one. While many take the completion of another set…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Members of notorious local punk house “Dish Pitt” finally found disappeared roommate Jon “Scuzzy” Baker last week when they began their every-other-two-years…
SAN FRANCISCO — The hosts of the Discovery Channel show “Mythbusters” reunited yesterday to test the myth that a man died by tasing himself in…
MILWAUKEE — Local man Jeremy Grimm’s sudden infatuation with a newly discovered band was put on hold today pending the results of a search of…
PRIPYAT, Ukraine — Officials at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant discovered yesterday a fourth HAIM sister buried beneath a previously untouched mass of uranium fuel…
BHIMBETKA, Bhopal — The discovery earlier this week of primitive drawings left on walls by Neanderthals confirmed one of science’s longest held, unproven beliefs: that…
WORCESTER, Mass. — A grant application submitted by the University of Massachusetts Medical School for “the expressed intent of further gaining understanding in what the…
SALINAS, Calif. — Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar has discovered a theoretical, second way to rock, following years of “extensive, rockin’ research,” the noted…
MARRAKESH, Morocco — An archaeological discovery made outside of Marrakesh yesterday places the extinction of punk rock at roughly 8,000 B.C.E., stunned researchers confirmed. The…
LIMA, Peru — A team of archaeologists in the jungles of Peru made a groundbreaking discovery yesterday, unearthing the long-lost “Mambos No. 1-4” prequel tapes…
CHICAGO – After taking what was supposed to be a life-changing trip to India to “find himself,” local man Derrick Johnson returned home thoroughly disappointed in…
VENICE BEACH, Calif. – Sean Clark is no stranger to stagediving. The experienced crowdsurfer has safely navigated through schools of angry skinheads, tangles of steel…