BEDFORD, N.Y. — Local black metal fan Dennis “Bjorn” Rubenstein celebrated the news of the Farmer’s Almanac forecasting a particularly harsh winter this year, several…
NEW YORK — Local woman Francisca Noguera asked her abusive partner of five months if he could extend his grooming habits to include his hygiene,…
BEIJING — Norway added another gold medal in the 2022 Winter Olympic Games when their team of Black Metal musicians dominated the Standing Around in…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix announced yesterday that they are ordering a slew of new violent homicides to generate content for a new true crime…
JACKTOWN, Mich. – Local runner Mason Clement became increasingly fearful for their safety last night while listening to the podcast “My Favorite Murder” for the…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Local goth and recent convert to Wicca Willow Bates is insisting to anyone who will listen that there is a “war on…
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item on display to see if…
CONSHOHOCKEN, Pa. — Local black metal band Nocturnal Defacement announced their public support yesterday for the “greater of two evils” in the upcoming presidential election,…
HOLLYWOOD — McDonald’s announced yesterday the launch of a new fast food cinematic universe, starting with a ‘Hamburglar’ origin movie starring Timothée Chalamet in the…
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today that the disease name would…
DYERSVILLE, Iowa — The magical “Field of Dreams” that once hosted the ghosts of baseball greats like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson and Mel Ott has been…
BATON ROUGE, La. — Wedding guest Jennie Fultz committed a major fashion faux pas last weekend by wearing a black dress and smokey eye shadow…
DANVERS, Wash. — A beloved biscuits and gravy recipe, made famous by the local Triple Five restaurant, is allegedly an exact copy of the one…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Local teenage lifeguard Jeremy Keenum openly wished yesterday that someone at the recreational pool he covers would somehow forget how to swim…
LANSING, MI — BREAKING: A circus elephant has broken free from his cage at the Dark Carnival, a fictional world detailed in a series of…