Chuck Kowalski
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February 27, 2018
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign…
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Ashley Naftule
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February 11, 2018
TACOMA, Wash. — The residents of the “Scab Lab” crust punk house were evacuated last night in response to an…
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Max Wolff
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December 1, 2017
RICHMOND, Va. — Local crust-punk Richard Andre married his roommate Morgan Atwell yesterday in a romantic ceremony in which he…
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Cory Cousins
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September 22, 2017
HOUSTON — Local crust punk Shiloh Waters is still feverishly searching for a potential sitter for his beloved bedbugs while…
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Jesse Irvin
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September 9, 2017
AUSTIN, Texas — A crust punk dog was forced to terminate his owner last week after the owner contracted a…
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WASHINGTON — Scientists have confirmed that the current nationwide dumpster fire is adversely affecting the national crust punk population, according…
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Krissy Howard
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June 23, 2017
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crustie Dylan Waters was asked to hold his pose for “just a little bit longer” while…
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Mike Civins
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May 31, 2017
GUILFORD, Conn. — Folk-punk legend Ol’ Tom Tassy, rumored to stand 180 feet tall and use a modified train car…
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Erek Smith
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April 24, 2017
EL PASO, Texas — An unnamed crust punk was violently dragged off an overbooked Union Pacific boxcar earlier today, sparking…
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Mark Roebuck
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February 25, 2017
BALTIMORE -- Local crust punk and self-proclaimed gentleman Jason Kirkby laid his Capitalist Casualties butt flap over a puddle last…
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