ESSEX, Conn. — Former precocious teen Clarissa Darling has gone from “explaining it all” to spending the majority of her time on Facebook explaining why…
Like many of you, we here at The Hard Times got sick and tired of hearing our racist loser uncles complain about being in Facebook…
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the nation are reckoning with a party-wide fissure over whether pineapple is a suitable topping for bootlicking, sending think-tanks everywhere scrambling…
LOS ANGELES — Former Misfits vocalist Michale Graves has successfully unseated Glenn Danzig as the band’s most ridiculous vocalist following a recent announcement that he…
MINEOLA, N.Y. — Tom Castellano was reportedly unable to comprehend that the liberal team were being presented as the good guys in Secret Hitler, after…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Mayor Pete Buttigieg held a press conference today to announce the end of his presidential campaign after realizing he was not…
So you think Sanders or Warren would make a good president, huh? And you still insist on calling our current president “Commander in Queef?” Very…
WASHINGTON — Famed cursed twitter account @dril became a conservative icon this morning after being retweeted by President Donald Trump, in what experts say may…
HORSHAM, Pa. — Local uncle and baby boomer Don Waldemire added the incredibly popular, carbonated alcoholic beverage White Claw today to his ever-growing list of…
Kentucky, let’s get real. Senator Mitch McConnell is probably the most evil politician in America today. Yes, Trump is louder and more outwardly hateful but…
I love to travel. Travel is the first interest listed on all my dating apps, right above Cards Against Humanity, and “adventures,” which is basically…
PHOENIX — Shock rocker Alice Cooper broke ground today on his new Republican-exclusive, goth-themed golf course, “Welcome to My Putt-mare,” developers close to the project…
My moral fiber and ethical egoism inform my political leanings. And normally I don’t like to give chicks positive attention, but Ayn Rand can totally…
Hello, I’m Glen and I’d like to tell you a few important things about myself. I believe in an honest day’s work for an honest…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Members of the left-leaning shoegaze outfit The Soft White Damn announced via Facebook earlier today their bold decision to record a new…