BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who gave him a “good luck…
Lately it seems the world is increasingly full of self-righteous dickheads dropping subtle hints as to how I should live my life. Whether it be…
NEW ORLEANS — Ian McSeamus, the infamous frontman of the punk band Ghost Chode, announced that he is celebrating six months of sobriety which drew…
NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could see themselves perfectly in the…
MORGANTOWN, W.V. — Self-proclaimed party animal Derek Plomchock astounded friends and roommates by somehow surpassing three sturdily locked doors and projectile vomiting into a laundry…
RAAHIL’S BODY — The fast-growing cystic acne chain on your friend Raahil’s face is launching franchise opportunities, with new pimples emerging on his upper back…
PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes this is the year it…
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — Local man Stephen Banquist scattered clothing, pet hair, and random bits of garbage all over his apartment to give himself an…
CHICAGO — Piss-drunk indie pop band Belle & Sebastian spent a raucous evening tidying their hotel room at the Radisson Blu Aqua while on a…
NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake Gyllenhaal, sources close to the…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local man and filthy roommate Mickey Bedford was caught running the sink for a few short seconds on Tuesday evening in…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local bouncer Frank DeGarge confirmed today that he is forced to cover up any non-tattooed parts of his body before clocking in…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — A Biohazard patch on local metalhead Barret Boone’s denim jacket is reportedly becoming less of an endorsement of the band and…
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this morning instead of the Coors…
BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s habit of microwaving, gutting, and…