Chris Bratton
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BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who…
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Dom Turek
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Lately it seems the world is increasingly full of self-righteous dickheads dropping subtle hints as to how I should live…
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Josh Baumgart
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NEW ORLEANS — Ian McSeamus, the infamous frontman of the punk band Ghost Chode, announced that he is celebrating six…
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James Webster
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NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could…
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James Knapp
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MORGANTOWN, W.V. — Self-proclaimed party animal Derek Plomchock astounded friends and roommates by somehow surpassing three sturdily locked doors and…
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Freelancer
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RAAHIL’S BODY — The fast-growing cystic acne chain on your friend Raahil’s face is launching franchise opportunities, with new pimples…
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Lauren Sewell
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PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes…
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Mark Hassenfratz
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NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — Local man Stephen Banquist scattered clothing, pet hair, and random bits of garbage all over his…
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Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Piss-drunk indie pop band Belle & Sebastian spent a raucous evening tidying their hotel room at the Radisson…
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Dianne Nora
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NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake…
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