Listen up, you self-employed sociopaths! Is post-nasal drip getting you down? Do you lose feeling in your feet every single time you yawn because you’re…
ANAHEIM, Cali. — Local middle-aged man Shawn Hampton felt the full effects of venti Starbucks cold-brew and told friends that he felt he was at…
PHOENIX — 35-year-old Cassie Lozano is in critical condition after she foolishly came to the conclusion she needed to limit her caffeine intake and decided…
WASHINGTON — The Straight Edge Supreme Court will hear arguments this week in the case of Lewis v. Monster Energy which could overturn the landmark…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local coffee aficionado Sage Davis claimed today that he finally perfected his method for brewing the perfect cup of coffee, and all…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the fifth sequence of the energy/alcohol…