ORLANDO, Fla. — Disney-obsessed middle-aged man Sebastian Werner is to be tried as a minor after allegedly assaulting several guests at the happiest place on…
JOHNSON CITY, N.Y. — Local clothes launderer Dee Chanthavong nearly realized his lifelong fantasy of diving headfirst into a pile of shiny coins after being…
LINCOLN, Neb. — A local woman was seen performing life-sustaining measures on her Marlboro Menthol cigarette after finding it barely clinging to life at the…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Brad Harris, a first time house show promoter, triple checked to make sure the only toilet at his debut DIY gig was…
LOS ANGELES — The lone mic stand at music venue The Kick Drum in eastern Los Angeles “fucking blows” and won’t stop drooping down seconds…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local man Gabriel Danforth is plagued with uncertainty about whether his 13-month-old Skullcandy headphones are broken after hearing a concerning staticky noise,…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local punk Maddie Conyard tied her beloved tour van to a tree and shot it yesterday after it suffered a broken axle,…
BEND, Ore. — Alleged “biracial poser” and local punk Liz Watson disappointed white stranger Dana Fields yesterday by inadequately naming three origin stories deemed exotic…
JIM THORPE, Penn. — Craigslist user Hampton Bellamy sold a badly damaged and completely non-functional Kustom amplifier yesterday after listing it on the website “as…
BALTIMORE — An obviously broken phone that you for some reason refuse to replace reportedly does still work, assuming you don’t need to use it…
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly admitted today that he now mostly uses his time machine to go back in 12-hour intervals and stop himself…
Chances are, you’re familiar with Daffy Duck. At time of writing, the funny fowl has been splitting sides over the course of an astounding 83…
CHICAGO — A severely cracked drumstick’s condition improved yesterday from “Broken” to “Least Broken” following a set of Slayer songs that ravaged a local drumstick…
HUNTSVILLE, Texas — Roommates Audley Stoddard, Jay Heath, and Corwin Reed have announced their intention to continue regularly using a virtually broken controller because it…
ATHENS, Ga. — A Gibson Flying V with over 20 years of service in the punk scene was smashed just one day before it was…