BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local ex-boyfriend Clyde Satler caught his luckiest break since his separation from his former girlfriend yesterday, realizing that the death of her…
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other than to spend time…
MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Local sous chef Timothy Devino tried to cheer up his potentially depressed girlfriend Jordan Meyer yesterday by serving her breakfast, lunch, and…
ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. — Local punk and professionally-trained thespian Eva Rosenthal finally got to put her MFA in acting to good use yesterday when her…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local boyfriend Adam Leben refused to admit to any wrongdoing for his alleged horrible behavior in his girlfriend’s dream last night, annoyed…
BOSTON — Local woman Anne Deloach is certain the first track from her ex-boyfriend’s latest EP is about her, despite his forgetting her almost immediately…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex with new cover art, disappointing…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Chronically unemployed man and frequent HPV spreader Danny Feldman is completely unaware that his last three girlfriends all consider dating him to…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local mother-of-three Melissa Trayne suggested “one photo without the girlfriends” today, implying they may not want some of the women in…
PACIFICA, Calif. — Local boyfriend Sam Logan is “not even close” to providing the frequency, duration, and intensity of Instagrammable moments required to keep his…
LOS ANGELES — Perpetually unemployed boyfriend Liam Womack announced yesterday that he will cease failing to author novels to pursue procrastinating on writing screenplays, apprehensive…
SAN DIEGO — Local punk Kelsey Hernandez insisted yet again today that her new, non-punk boyfriend is “more of a loose cannon than he appears,”…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Friends of local man Jeremy Torres are unsure if his new girlfriend Laura Kelly is incredibly laid back or in desperate need…
AUSTIN, Texas — All-around nice guy Ken Ludlow has reportedly found himself in another long-term relationship with a woman despite his wanting to “just be…