Border Tag Archives

Experts Warn Trump Border Policy Will Block Thousands of Canadian Girlfriends from Attending American Proms

Dan Kozuh • October 11, 2024

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Experts warned that if re-elected, former President Trump's stringent border policies could prevent thousands of Canadian girlfriends…

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Failed Trump Assassin Revealed to Be Descendant of Immigrants Who Came to Country Illegally 230 Years Ago

The Hard Times Staff • July 17, 2024

BETHEL PARK, Penn. — New information about Matthew Crooks, the 20-year-old registered Republican who made a failed attempt to kill…

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Gov. Abbott Enlists Texas National Guard to Shoot at Wildfires

Tim Graham • February 28, 2024

AUSTIN, Texas — Governor Greg Abbott deployed Texas National Guard troops to combat the rapidly spreading wildfires in the state’s…

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Only Band You Want to See on Tour Not on the Two Canadian Stops For Some Reason

Steve Yuen • September 30, 2021

BLAINE, Wash. — Local band with at least one felony, Green Stream, will not be playing their scheduled Vancouver and…

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Metalhead, Canadian Argue Viciously Over Cultural Origins of Denim Vests

Nick Ortolani • June 10, 2021

SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins…

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Whole Foods Promises to Only Sell Produce Picked by Cage-Free Migrant Children

Dan Kozuh • July 13, 2019

AUSTIN, Texas — The Whole Foods Market grocery chain announced today that it will only sell produce picked by cage-free…

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ICE Agent Hurt by Gestapo Comparisons Was Going for More of a SS Vibe

Lauren Lavín • July 8, 2019

EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared…

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Baby New Year Detained at Border

Mark Roebuck • December 31, 2018

EL PASO, Texas — Baby New Year, the mythical personification of hope and change, was detained at the Mexican/American border…

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band, canadian, border, business, pleasure

Band at Canadian Border Trying to Explain Tour Is Neither Business Nor Pleasure

Chuck Kowalski • October 3, 2018

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Punk band Dump Cumsters finally gained entry into Canada this morning after nine hours of explaining to…

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Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border

Doug Francisco • August 24, 2017

BELLEVUE, Wash. -- Video game developer Rare have announced a new project in partnership with the White House to build…

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