John Danek
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NEW YORK — Overly-confident 24-year-old Matt Baxter convinced himself today that he could hoist a new, king-sized mattress to his…
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Dan Kozuh
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PORTLAND, Ore. — A new, punk-themed bed & breakfast that offers the “luxury of living like a real life punk”…
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Patrick Crooks
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NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm,…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed…
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Alan Khanukaev
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ROCHESTER, Minn. — Severed Reason bassist Corbin Gallo was taken off life support yesterday when doctors realized that the notifications…
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John Dixon
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ST. LOUIS — Acquaintances of chronically fatigued punk Anthony Mafodda are reportedly perplexed by the rocker’s nocturnal habit of sheathing…
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Zach Raffio
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SLEEPY HOLLOW, N.Y. — Dying punk Anthony Mafodda is reportedly on his deathbed today at Phelps Hospital and ready to…
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Elizabeth Teets
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BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual…
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Cory Cousins
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HOUSTON — Local crust punk Shiloh Waters is still feverishly searching for a potential sitter for his beloved bedbugs while…
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Eric Navarro
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DURHAM, N.C. — High school teacher Eddie Dunn was named “coolest teacher in school” in the Mount Hills Senior High…
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