The In-N-Out in Prescott, Arizona, might look unassuming from the outside, but a quick look inside tells an entirely different store. That’s right—Grammy award-winning superstar…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
LOS ANGELES — The 95th Academy Awards is expected to feature intimidating English actress Mia Goth slightly offstage and ready to scream at any winners…
RENO, Nev. — Local police officer Konrad Klusky was given an award in outstanding creative writing following the release of an almost entirely fictionalized police…
LOS ANGELES — A relatively obscure film from the Indianapolis Police Department titled “Officer William Jameson’s Body Camera Footage 3/19/21” was awarded the Emmy for…
GLEN BURNIE, Md. — Local punk Cris Martinson was recently honored by Forbes Magazine in their annual “30 People over 30 Who Need to Get…
LONDON — Following a recent patch to the popular new battle royale game, gamers have discovered the addition of an impossible-to-get achievement in the game…
Medal of Honor Awarded to McDonald’s Employee Who Put Chicken Nugget in Trump’s Order of Large Fries
Medal of Honor Awarded to McDonald’s Employee Who Put Chicken Nugget in Trump’s Order of Large Fries
WASHINGTON — President Trump awarded the Medal of Honor, the nation’s most prestigious personal military decoration, to the “hero” who slipped a chicken nugget into…
SALINAS, Calif. — Local punk Jack Hunter was upset yesterday in learning that he was being named Platt Electric Supply’s “Employee of the Month,” despite…
TROY, Mich. — Floor Trends Magazine editors have chosen NOFX’s 1994 skate-punk anthem “Linoleum” as the magazine’s Song of the Year for the 25th year…
MADISON, Wisc. — Revolutionary video game Block Dude has once again won awards in every eligible category at the annual Calculator Gaming Awards, marking the…
NEW YORK — Rapper and producer J. Cole was honored by the Pulitzer Prize Board early this afternoon with a shittier, blander version of the…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Journalist and musician Nardwuar is nervously awaiting the nominations for the upcoming Servie Awards, friends close to the interviewer confirmed. “He…
PHILADELPHIA — While many mark the end of another year with champagne and tipsy renditions of ‘Auld Lang Syne,’ Philadelphia punks know the year isn’t…
International Essay Prize Awarded to YouTube Comment Explaining Why Deafheaven Isn’t Black Metal
MONTREAL — The internationally-recognized Rodgers-Mayhew Essay Award was given yesterday to SoundMatters99, a Youtube commenter who succinctly dissected the genre minutia of popular indie-metal band…