Horrible news. It looks like Chris, our friend who drove us to the party, wants to stay longer. He seems to be in the middle…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar and three beers before attending…
I woke up this morning annoyed at all the noise my boyfriend Josh was making. He burst through the door with a new MacBook, a…
There I was, just waiting for a friend outside Dom’s Pub when a bunch of random people started shoving their IDs into my face. I…
As we open this regular meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, we ask that God grant us the courage and serenity to look back on a few…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Scene legend known only as “Kowalski” has informed multiple local bars and government entities that the only form of ID he…
GLEN HEAD, N.Y. — 30-year-old Melissa Crawford made her long awaited debut as the family drunken mess at her cousin’s Great Gatsby themed wedding this…
Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about me than me. Look, you…
CHICAGO — Touring band The Cheap Seats were annoyed to find that the promised green room at their next venue was actually just a beige…
Where are my manners? I mean, it’s not every day you get your own intervention with this many people. I didn’t think we would ever…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local straight edge 22-year-old Niki Mishtia once again proved that he is perfectly capable of acting like a moron without using alcohol…
Umm, actually, no, you can’t kick me out of this Wawa. My doctor said I can be in here. This note right here makes me…
I may not know much, and probably even less so now after that eleventh Jager bomb, but the one thing I know for sure is…
I’d like to apologize to every single person who attended my surprise intervention. Had I known it was happening I would’ve brought a 30-pack and…