There I was, just waiting for a friend outside Dom’s Pub when a bunch of random people started shoving their IDs into my face. I…
As we open this regular meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, we ask that God grant us the courage and serenity to look back on a few…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Scene legend known only as “Kowalski” has informed multiple local bars and government entities that the only form of ID he…
GLEN HEAD, N.Y. — 30-year-old Melissa Crawford made her long awaited debut as the family drunken mess at her cousin’s Great Gatsby themed wedding this…
Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about me than me. Look, you…
CHICAGO — Touring band The Cheap Seats were annoyed to find that the promised green room at their next venue was actually just a beige…
Where are my manners? I mean, it’s not every day you get your own intervention with this many people. I didn’t think we would ever…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local straight edge 22-year-old Niki Mishtia once again proved that he is perfectly capable of acting like a moron without using alcohol…
Umm, actually, no, you can’t kick me out of this Wawa. My doctor said I can be in here. This note right here makes me…
I may not know much, and probably even less so now after that eleventh Jager bomb, but the one thing I know for sure is…
I’d like to apologize to every single person who attended my surprise intervention. Had I known it was happening I would’ve brought a 30-pack and…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man Trevor Good blamed his morning coffee habit for the constant nervous chatter in his head and anxious feeling in…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
FREDERICK, Md. — Amateur skateboarder and recovering alcoholic Jude Gannon achieved a longstanding career goal of acquiring a sponsor in the form of an Alcoholics…