BOSTON — Known felon and frequent assaulter Mark Wahlberg officially commemorated the opening of the newest Wahlburgers restaurant by kicking the shit out of some…
CACTUS FLAT, Ariz. — Local pop punk bassist and overall feline enthusiast Tyler Hogarten missed his band’s entire set in order to avoid disturbing his…
ATLANTA — Executives at Norfolk Southern Railway and many other rail owners around the nation are reacting to the environmental crisis following a train derailment…
HOUSTON — Local goregrind band Coffin Stew give much more attention to scouring old sleaze and monster movie VHS tapes for cool samples to put…
My three-year-old daughter just got out of the master bathroom. She completely plastered the wall with stickers, then, not two minutes later, completely plastered the…
Well, hello there, Kingy. Say, why so glum? What reason could a heavy metal master and servant to Satan like yourself possibly have to be…
MODESTO, Calif. — Resident Crocodile Club DJ Ronald “DJ Pelham123” McVorland is reportedly convinced that no one in the venue can tell that he is…
WASHINGTON — President Biden called for a nationwide moment of silence and contemplation after the stock price of the Norfolk Southern Corporation (NYSE: NSC) sharply…
Well, it happened again! You’re a dog and your owners have decided to throw a goddamn house party, without consulting you or thinking what it…
HOUSTON — Local vaper Chris Garcia finally hyped himself up enough to hang out with a group of cigarette smokers outside of a punk show…
This week we decided to take a look at Drug Church’s latest release, “Hygiene,” and we found as we reviewed… ugh… you know what, no.…
EAST LANSING, Mich. — New York Republican representative George Santos reportedly empathized with the families of the victims of the mass shooting at Michigan State…
MESA, Ariz. – Lead singer of pop-punk band Garbage Yacht Todd Rogers snuck his teenage girlfriend into an early screening of “Winnie the Pooh: Blood…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Good Damage headlined a packed Valentine’s Day show that some are calling “the worst date ever,” sources redownloading Tinder…
This woman’s boyfriend just gave her a dozen long-stemmed red roses for “no reason.” Oh no! She’s probably going to need someone to lean on…