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Report: Punk Complaining About Consumerism Culture of Christmas Earlier Each Year

SAN FRANCISCO — Friends of local punk Derek Evans report they are already fed up with his anti-Christmas rants that accompany every holiday season, a tradition those close to him believe is starting earlier each year.

“I mean, honestly? I think he started talking about how ‘corporations exploit the wants of the working class with flashy advertising’ around Halloween this year,” said longtime friend Julie Esparza. “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had to check the calendar and look at him and say, ‘Hello, it’s still October. Chill the fuck out already.’”

Many close to Evans say they now immediately leave the room as soon as he starts another of his well-worn diatribes.

“I’ve heard the same argument against the commercialization of Christmas every year, and it drives me insane,” said roommate Marty Johnson. “His arguments are so simple and repetitive, and get stuck in your head all day. He used to start complaining on Black Friday — which I understood — but in the last couple years, it’s been the entire month of November, too.”

Despite the criticism, Evans has only ramped up his efforts to educate all about the issues associated with the holidays.


“I know I can be a little bit polarizing, but everyone needs to know what this time of year is all about,” said Evans. “Which is multi-billion dollar corporations force-feeding you useless junk you don’t actually need or want. If I had it my way, I’d be able to complain about Christmas all year long.”

Dr. Jennette Lane, a professor at the Haas School of Business at University of California-Berkeley, believes Evans is “very short-sighted” in his complaints.

“Anyone can come up with a good complaint about Christmas. It’s easy — all you need to do is mention corporate greed and predatory holiday loans,” said Dr. Lane. “What I don’t often hear is a good complaint about Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. That would be refreshing. Give us something new.”

Evans did, however, admit to liking one thing about the holiday season. “I love the music,” he said. “Reminds me of being a kid.”