A lot of the Transformers we know and love have changed over the years. Some of those changes make sense, like cosmetic updates to their disguised vehicle forms to help them blend in. Other changes make no sense, like how a bunch of them became racist caricatures for the Michael Bay movies.
Since the Cybertruck is basically the Michael Bay movie of cars, it seems likely that for better or worse one of our favorite Autobots or Decepticons will become one, but who? We’ve ranked all the fan-favorite robots in disguise to determine which one is most likely to take part in the most nauseating cross-promotion of all time.
30. Jazz
Of all the Autobots, Jazz loved human culture the most. The key word there is “culture,” not a word that comes to mind when looking at a car that resembles PS1 graphics come to life. To quote the man himself “Do it with style or don’t bother doing it.” While Jazz the Robot is canonically deceased and voice actor Scattman Crothers is for real deceased, we doubt the Cybertruck would meet either one’s definition of “style.”
29. Arcee
While Elon Musk undoubtedly applauds Arcee for introducing gender to the cybertronian race, there’s no way in hell he’s going to let his car be a girl.
28. Optimus Prime
“Autobots, it looks like it might rain today, activate wash mode so you don’t permanently shut down and roll out!” See, that just doesn’t seem like something a leader would say. Or, like, how a car should work. Besides, he’s already died once before, the last thing Optimus needs is an accelerator that sticks.
27. Hound
Hound loves the earth more than any transformer, preferring it to his home world of Cybertron. He secretly desires to become human. The only thing less human than a Cybertruck would be Elon Musk himself, so he’s a hard pass.
26. Wheeljack
Wheeljack is the Autobot’s chief scientist, inventor, and weapons designer, and the most proficient driver in car mode. He wouldn’t be caught dead as a Cybertruck, but he does love watching the clip of its bulletproof glass shattering to lift his spirit whenever he feels fucking dumb.
25. Bumblebee
He’s the cutest transformer, and he knows it. Bumblebee is extremely aware of his personal brand and wouldn’t be caught dead associating with Musk, it just wouldn’t bode well with his demo. The last the Bee needs is another Shia in his life.
24. Ultra Magnus
Ultra Magnus is a dedicated soldier who rose to become 2nd in command of the Autobots. He was briefly the leader, but, recognizing his own shortcomings in that role, voluntarily passed the matrix of leadership down to Hot Rod. His selflessness, self-awareness, and willingness to sacrifice his own gain for the greater good are completely antithetical to all things Elon.
23. Omega Supreme
Omega Supreme was actually the original name of the Cybertruck before the Tesla board talked Musk out of it. Anyway, he’ll stick to being a badass truck with rocket launchers please, and thank you.
22. Hot Rod
Initially a souped-up sports car, Hot Rod became Rodimus Prime after succeeding Optimus as leader of the Autobots and assumed the car form of a futuristic truck. But like, a real futuristic truck, not an embarrassing behemoth that can’t even get windshield wipers right. He’s all set.
21. Soundwave
This dude is still rocking cassette tapes, so it’s unlikely he’s got enough tech-bro in him to become a Cybertruck.
20. Ratchet
Ratchet is the chief medical officer of the Autobots, meaning it’s extremely important that he gets to where he needs to be as quickly as possible. He doesn’t have time to be getting recalled every two months because it turns out his door handle stabs people or some shit.
19. Grimlock
He’s the leader of the Dinobots who, like Elon Musk, struggles with pronouns due to a lack of processing power. Though his current disguise form is that of a tyrannosaurus rex, Grimlock doesn’t want to become a Cybertruck for fear that it will make him stick out too much.
18. Sideswipe
No way. Sideswipe already has a sweet jetpack and can travel to space. Sure, Elon Musk can do that too, but Sideswipe can also land without exploding.
17. Ironhide
Ironhide is known for his strength and resiliance, so he’s unlikely to transform into a vehicle with bulletproof glass that a baseball can somehow shatter.
16. Brawl
Brawl already is the tank that sad-sack Cybertruck drivers like to pretend their car is.
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