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Ten Songs The Cast of “Killers of the Flower Moon” Would Be Listening to This Week If They Were Cool

For weeks we’ve been telling you to get your shit together and finally listen to some new music. We’ve been texting you links to tracks that will improve your playlists and relationships with others. All we get in return are “thumbs up” reactions and empty promises of you “checking it out later.” Guess what, asshole. Later is now. We don’t care if you’re busy or if it’s just been a “crazy week, man.” This is serious. People are talking about your horrible taste, and we’re starting to feel lame by association. This will not stand. To help the reputations of all parties involved, we’ve compiled a list of songs that need to be in your queue this very instant.

Blink 182 “Anthem Part 3”

The Anthem trilogy has finally been completed, and all earthlings have been advised to prepare for ascent. This was the final task of Tom Delonge’s secret mission to deliver all human life to the Alien Overlords. Stage One: Infiltration (Anthem), Stage Two: Familiarity Breeding (Anthem Part Two), and finally Stage Three: Reconciliation and Full Scale Abduction (Anthem Part 3). It’s a rather fitting start to a mature reunion album. Of course, subsequent songs in the track list still have several dick jokes and lines about how much Tom wants to fuck your Mom, but in a way that really makes you think about how much older she’s gotten and the fragility of life.

Alkaline Trio “Blood, Hair, and Eyeballs”

2023 is nearly over, but if you’ve heard Alkaline Trio’s new single we wouldn’t blame you for thinking that 2001 has just begun. The band has just announced their tenth album, “Blood, Hair, and Eyeballs.” It’s their first since Matt Skiba’s departure from Blink-182. Judging by the throwback sound of the newly released title track, he appears to be making up for lost time, delivering a vocal line that wouldn’t be out of place on a “From Here to Infirmary” b-side. They say you can never go home again, but Alkaline Trio seems to be defying that adage in spades with this one.

IDLES “Dancer” ft. LCD Soundsystem

In a recent social media post promoting their newly announced album “TANGK,” IDLES promised the upcoming EP would be “all love songs.” If their new single “Dancer” – which features guest vocals and synth work from LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy and Nancy Whang – is any indication, Joe Talbot and co’s idea of love is more chaotic than our average reader’s past four relationships combined. Unlike the latter, though, this track is a fun ride that demands repeat listens, and likely won’t take a restraining order out on you.

Tigers Jaw “Constant Headache”

Tigers Jaw and Joyce Manor surprise-released a split 7″ this week in which they cover each other’s songs. Both are incredible renditions, but it’s hard to top the former’s arrangement of the latter’s Human League inspired ‘Constant Headache.’ Taking the edges off of Joyce Manor’s rough-and-tumble original recording, Tigers Jaw adds an anthemic power-pop sheen, making it sound even closer to the new wave legends the song’s melody evokes. Putting this one is sure to make you look back fondly at all of the messy hookups of your youth without thinking about how depressing that time in your life actually was.

Snarls “Big Fish”

It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Ohio indie-pop wunderkinds Snarls, whose aptly titled 2020 debut album “Burst” thrust them into the status of one of the most closely watched indie acts of the year, catching even the attention of former Death Cab For Cutie member and producer Chris Walla, who has been working with the band ever since. Their latest Walla produced single “Big Fish” dramatically and gorgeously breaks over a full year’s silence from the group, and it’s clear they’ve been spending the time honing their craft even further, which is more than anyone can say about the year you’ve been having. On the track, lead singer Chlo White repeats the refrain, ‘I’m a big fish, and you don’t even know it yet.’ We’re willing to bet that will only get less applicable over time.

Yardboss “She Was Not Real”

Based on their careening genre spanning sound, we’re not sure which yard Yardboss is actually lording over, but they’re doing it with aplomb. The Dayton, OH quintet has been raising a steady buzz of anticipation following the release of their 2017 EP “We Wish Were Dead ‘92,” with their live shows being touted as ‘the loudest thing you’ll ever fucking hear in your life.’ Needless to say, fans of the band have been chomping at the bit for new songs since the ominous announcement of their debut full-length “No Casket 1993.” The lead single “She Was Not Real” serves to satisfy these yearning souls with three and a half minutes of swirling guitar, driving bass and drums and deliriously washed out vocals landing them somewhere in the realm of shoegaze but not nearly as boring as your pedal-driven band.

Halloween is just around the corner and our Managing Editor is absolutely furious with us for not coming up with a decent enough ‘spooky playlist’ to play in the office. Because we’re pretty sure the skulls she uses to decorate are in fact of human origin, we fearfully hopped to the task and started throwing some Halloween adjacent tracks into the queue. Here are a handful of the highlights that will hopefully keep us above ground for the remainder of the season.

The Lurking Corpses “Werewolf Queen”

We figured that if we didn’t want to be literal corpses, “Werewolf Queen” would be a good way to test the waters. We fired this one up and our fearless – as well as terrifying – leader started howling and flipping all of our desks over. We ultimately took this as a good sign, but were thankful there wasn’t a full moon that night, as the carnage would have been absolutely out of control.

The Mummies “House On The Hill”

If you hadn’t already guessed, our Managing Editor has such a discerning taste, it’s almost a fault. We weren’t sure how this was going to go. When she found the intern who suggested this one, she wrapped them up in medical bandages like a mummy and spun them around in their chair for about five hours on end. Nervously, we gestured toward the speaker and gave her a look that asked “no good?” Fortunately, she responded with a thumbs up and a twirl of her cape signifying that it could remain in the festive queue.

Houseghost “Widdershins”

Look, we get it, this song isn’t actually all that spooky, but the band’s name is literally ‘Houseghost’ and the album cover has jack-o-lanterns on it. We really can’t be blamed for the knee-jerk add here. Our lives are in danger. Sure, we probably could have listened to it before risking the ire of our terrifying boss, but the pressure was on. Fortunately, she actually seemed to like it.

Phoebe Bridgers “Halloween”

At this point, she was pretty riled up from all the excitement and started tearing her office apart in search of an ancient spell book she claimed to have been hiding until just the right moment occurred. We weren’t about to find out whatever the hell that meant, so we had to act fast. Someone in the writer’s room slowly faded in this deep cut from Phoebe Bridgers’ “Punisher” album, and our nightmare slowly began to end. As we rounded the chorus, a small whimper turned into a full on wail as our Managing Editor screamed “NOTHING IS SPOOKIER THAN FEELINGS” for the duration of the song. We slowly snuck as the final notes faded into the darkness.

We understand it’s hard to log into Spotify and type words into a search bar, so we’ve done that for you already in a sprawling, incoherent, and disorienting playlist that you can like and follow by clicking here, unless that’s also too much work for you.