LOS ANGELES — The producers of Kidz Bop will be including pop punk legends Blink-182 on their latest release after altering the band’s lyrics to make them less inane and childish, struggling songwriting sources confirmed.
“Just like Kate Bush and Metallica, kids today are rediscovering Blink-182. That’s why Kidz Bop is including ‘What’s My Age Again?’ on our next album. In the past, we’ve morally objected to introducing preteens to pop punk, for…unfortunately obvious reasons. But we think Blink can get a pass here,” said producer Kyron Cooper. “But making this song appropriate for Kidz Bop has proved incredibly challenging. And it’s not just the sodomy and payphone references. We typically like our lyrics to be at a third grade reading level, but Mark writes like an ADHD kindergartner that still pulls his pants all the way down at the urinal.”
Local child Eleni Nguyen was entirely unfazed by the news of Blink-182’s inclusion.
“Oh yeah, I might have been into them a few years back, but I feel like I’m a big girl and I’m too grown up for them. Not sure what they’re doing on Kidz Bop, though. I just wanted to hear some sanitized versions of Lizzo songs, not whatever ‘SoCal skate punk’ is,’” said Nguyen. “I got curious why my parents liked these guys so much so I looked up the real lyrics. And honestly, I’m pissed that they make me listen to kid-friendly Taylor Swift covers but my dad used to listen to a song called ‘Fuck A Dog.’ That one totally shocked me, but only because that was apparently what passed for humor in the ‘90s.’”
Sociologist and music historian Lawrence Boyle explained how these sorts of changes for mainstream acceptance are very common in rock and roll.
“Whether it be for television appearances or radio play, many bands willingly flush their artistic integrity down the crapper and change their lyrics when money gets involved,” said Boyle. “But sometimes it’s not just lyrics that bands must change in order to make it to the big leagues. For instance, A Simple Plan had to deny their overt Canadianness before being allowed on Warped Tour ‘99. Pierre Bouvier still cries remembering all the interviews in which he was forced to declare that he hated poutine.”
Currently, Blink-182 is hard at work on a pre-school album for kids three and under in which their songwriting style is changed in no way whatsoever.