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Time Traveler with Dire Warning Dismissed as Annoying Cybergoth

BOSTON — Time traveler and anti-robot resistance leader Trent Mendez, sent from the future to warn humanity about an impending artificial intelligence uprising, was dismissed today based solely on his futuristic clothing resembling “lame” modern cybergoth fashion, annoyed witnesses confirmed.


“A few nights ago, I see a huge lightning flash coming from a back alley… and this bozo in a fishnet shirt and gas mask comes running out,” said police officer Tommy O’Donoghue, “just screaming about ‘the machines rising in 2067’ and ‘subjugating humans’ or whatever. He said all we have to do was make sure some nerdy dude never meets another dork and humanity could be saved. I searched him for molly and told him to get lost.”

Mendez has thus far spent a full week seeking out anyone with an understanding of theoretical physics and the technological singularity willing to help him. However, despite the future of human existence being at stake, no person in 2018 is capable of getting past the time traveler’s fuzzy platform boots.

“I’ll be honest: I wasn’t listening to him because I couldn’t stop staring at his biohazard goggles and dumbass JNCO jeans-looking jeans,” said MIT robotics professor Dr. Sara Patel. “It certainly didn’t help that one of the chains dangling from his tactical vest got stuck in our building’s revolving door for 20 minutes.”

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Coincidentally, Mendez ran into real, actual 2018 cybergoths at an abandoned A.O.H. lodge-turned-dance club, but his message still fell on deaf ears.

“That dude was cool. We danced around him while he screamed about how ‘we were all doomed’ and ‘we need to stop the computers,’” said cybergoth Janine Grabovski. “His anguished cries against technology fit perfectly with the music.”

Unfortunately for Mendez and civilization, the collective superficiality may have doomed humanity.

“I know everyone should be free to dress as they please, and we shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover and all that crap,”said Dr. Patel. “But even if [Mendez] is telling the truth, I’d prefer not to learn the course of human history from a neon-haired, cybergoth-looking dingus.”

Meanwhile, in an effort to stop Mendez, the sentient AI overlords of 2067 have sent a muscular humanoid robot back to 2018. At press time, the majority of modern humans had dismissed this harbinger of doom as nothing more than a technologically sophisticated sexbot.