SANTA FE, N.M. — Local punk Trevor McGill was shocked but not surprised to find the only existing photo of him not blackout drunk was his LinkedIn profile photo, confirmed family members.
“I know it sounds crazy but I aim to look slightly more ‘professional’ or at the very least employable. It’s not like my current picture is great to begin with, it’s just a candid shot of me at a basement show seconds before shotgunning a beer,” said McGill. “I just need one good sober headshot that’ll distract everyone from the fact that most of my work history isn’t legitimate. Last week I asked my buddy who’s a venue photographer to take my photo at a show but the only shot that came out was of me punching a security guard. I’m getting close though!”
McGill’s mother attempted to help find one decent picture of him but was surprised she too came up empty.
“Seriously, the last photo I have of him where he doesn’t look completely insane is from when he was nine, and even in that one he’s stomping on a birthday cake. I looked through every family photo book and he’s wasted. Look at high school graduation photos, you can clearly see him hiding a bottle of vodka behind his back. And anything from his sister’s wedding is unsalvageable,” said Jane McGill. “Maybe if someone ambushes him coming out of his weekly shower he can use that one. Until then I’m just glad one photo of him exists that’ll trick any employer into thinking he’s immune to Malört.”
Job coach and recruiter Mike Daniels has seen many applicants struggle to find the perfect headshot, let alone a usable one.
“I’ve seen more than my fair share of young professionals who don’t have a photo that would give potential employers confidence they’d show up for every shift. Most of them are unflattering low-angle selfies or old photos taken with an iPhone 3, but more often than not they try to use ‘fun’ photos that border on degeneracy,” said Daniels. “We all put on some level of a facade at our jobs, but all it takes is 10 seconds to get a passable photo for a dumb job board and then you can go back to being on your bullshit.”
As of press time, McGill was able to get a second good photo of himself after his mother snapped one before he left for a court date.