CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. — The once-spontaneous ass play of local couple Tyler and Kelly Anderson has simply become routine ass work, the couple confirmed earlier today.
“When we first got into ass play three years ago, it was a new and exciting way explore our sexuality,” Ms. Anderson said, changing the sheets on the couple’s shared bed. “It was simple, fun and satisfying. Nothing too crazy — a finger here and there, the occasional light rimming. Very pure and innocent. But the heavy lifting really started when we began introducing toys.”
Mr. Anderson purchased the couple’s first butt plugs and strap-on dildos out of necessity.
“I wanted to take our intimacy to the next level, but, frankly, it felt like we were wasting half a week’s paycheck on all the produce we blasted through,” said Mr. Anderson, unloading a dishwasher full of freshly cleaned anal sex toys. “But, you use a cucumber or a baguette or what-have-you, and you throw it out. These toys all require different methods of cleaning.”
One of the hardest changes for the adventurous couple was properly storing their accessories.
“My mother came over for dinner, and Tyler forgot he was boiling the steel Excelsior on the stove to clean it, and left it there,” said Mrs. Anderson. “I nearly had a heart attack when she went over to the pot. ‘Oh, are we having soup?’ she asked. Thankfully, I was able to cut her off and bring her into the living room.”
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The couple agrees that, despite the new sensations anal play has brought into their lives, the prep work and clean up severely diminished their motivation.
“I wanted to be more into the strap-on, but just putting the damn thing on is almost like getting ready to go zip-lining or something. There’s all these straps and velcro. It chafes. The harness has to be dry cleaned after each use for some reason,” she said. “Then there’s the rubber gloves, hand sanitizer, and wet naps by the bed… you have to put towels down before you start. It’s like giving each other a medical examination.”
Reports show the Andersons have placed an ad on their local Craigslist Casual Encounters page, seeking a threesome.
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