Opinion Archives - Page 32

Opinion: The Real Militia Was the Friends We Made Along the Way

Rachel Steele • November 1, 2020

Big government is plotting to take away our rights as American citizens, like eating at local restaurants and licking strangers.…

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Opinion: I’m a Lot More Woke These Days Bitch

Freddy Krueger • October 30, 2020

Hey kids, it’s your old pal, Freddy! No, not that molest-y 2010 reboot crap, I’m talking O.G Fred Man. That’s…

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Opinion: Oh, So When I Said “Frankenstein” and Not “the Monster” You Had No Idea What I Was Talking About

Dan Rice • October 29, 2020

Oh my god. I am so sorry. You are right, of course! The character I am describing is in fact…

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Opinion: You Can’t Get in the Pit & Try To Love Someone Until You Get in the Pit and Learn To Love Yourself

Nariko Ott • October 27, 2020

Hey bros. We all know it's okay to get out there in the pit and kick some ass. But some…

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Opinion: Today’s Divorce Hearing Is BYOB, Right?

Steve Esparra • October 26, 2020

Okay, let’s cut right down to business here. Is this divorce hearing BYOB, open bar, or, (ugh) a cash bar?…

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Opinion: I’m Whichever Gender Gets Me the Most Poon Tang

Freelancer • October 23, 2020

It’s not my job to educate you. It’s your job to stop being ignorant. I understand that it’s easier for…

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Opinion: When They Go Low, We Go High and Do Absolutely Nothing To Stop Them

Bobby Korec • October 22, 2020

As card-carrying Democrats, it’s important that we always take the moral high ground in response to our opposition’s reprehensible actions.…

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I Don’t Make the Rules, I’m Just a Prick That Gets off on Enforcing Them

Dan Luberto • October 17, 2020

Now look, I’m just here to remind you that I don’t make the rules, I’m just an irritating prick that…

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If the Police Are Abolished Who Else Are You Going To Call To Kill You When Your Home Is Being Robbed?

Kevin Tit • October 10, 2020

There’s been a lot of talk about police abolition this year and while there have been a lot of well-articulated…

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Opinion: I Drink Carrot Juice Now

Jay Shingle • October 9, 2020

Increased metabolism, stronger vision, boosted immune system (um, HELLO COVID), reduced cancer risk, lowered cholesterol, and strengthened brain function—these are…

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