Opinion Archives - Page 33

I Don’t Make the Rules, I’m Just a Prick That Gets off on Enforcing Them

Dan Luberto • October 17, 2020

Now look, I’m just here to remind you that I don’t make the rules, I’m just an irritating prick that…

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If the Police Are Abolished Who Else Are You Going To Call To Kill You When Your Home Is Being Robbed?

Kevin Tit • October 10, 2020

There’s been a lot of talk about police abolition this year and while there have been a lot of well-articulated…

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Opinion: I Drink Carrot Juice Now

Jay Shingle • October 9, 2020

Increased metabolism, stronger vision, boosted immune system (um, HELLO COVID), reduced cancer risk, lowered cholesterol, and strengthened brain function—these are…

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Opinion: You’re Either a Cat Person or a Dog Person or a Normal Fucking Person Who Likes Both

Bobby Korec • October 8, 2020

Time to take a fucking stand, people. You are either a dog person: loyal, social, and agreeable. Or you are…

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Opinion: How Could Trump Die From COVID When He’s So Muscular in This Cartoon?

Dan Rice • October 2, 2020

My president likes his soldiers “not captured.” Well, I like my presidents “not dead.” And I like Trump, so it’s…

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Since It Was Their Drummer Who Was Creepy To Women, Can I Still Listen To Their Acoustic Stuff?

Ish Gupta • September 29, 2020

Listen babe, no one in this scene is a bigger ally than me. When news breaks about a band member's…

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Opinion: Our Team Doesn’t Need To Change Its Offensive Mascot, What We Need Is Some Defense

Eric Navarro • September 28, 2020

Let me get this straight. You wanna come to my country and tell me and my folk how to live…

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If We Defund the Police They Won’t Have Money To Pay Wrongful Death Lawsuits To All Those Families

Kevin Tit • September 27, 2020

Cops suck. There’s no question about that. I’m not a dumbass boot licker. However, I don’t know if we should…

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Opinion: Yes I’m High, but That’s Not Why I’m Naked and Sweating

Ramona Apthorp • September 26, 2020

It would indeed be astute of you to point out that I am naked, sweaty, and on drugs. However, I…

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Opinion: Come Over Here and Say That Shit

Dan Kozuh • September 25, 2020

What did you just say to me? Why don’t you come over here and say that shit, mother fucker?! Yeah,…

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