Bobby Korec
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BOSTON — Local straight edger Pete Westpan is generally apathetic about National Edge Day falling on a Saturday this year,…
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Sari Beliak
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LOS ANGELES –– Local man Eric Dunklin secretly hopes his Tinder date Melissa Chavez doesn’t notice he lied about being…
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Noah Leavy
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BETHESDA, Md. — White House officials were alarmed this morning after President Donald Trump discovered a presumed threat to “Get…
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Dan Luberto
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NORWALK, Conn. — Local punk and low-ranking member of his friend group Brandon Smith is reportedly completely unaware of his…
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Brett McCabe
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong awakened from a sleep-filled September to the unbelievable news that President…
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Clara Endres
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CLEVELAND — Moderators for 2020’s first Presidential debate reportedly added a question regarding an issue that’s been hotly contested since…
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Patrick Coyne
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COSTA MESA, Calif. — Slightly tipsy local mom Candace Webber keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she fucked The Offspring singer…
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John Danek
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HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich…
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James Knapp
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ATHENS, Ga. — Punk and new health insurance policy holder Nolan Nowickski is reportedly “going a bit overboard” with the…
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James Mahoney
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CHICAGO — Local anarcho-punk Noah Wallin claimed today that he is prepared to take the lives of Scottish indie-rock band…
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