Culture Archives - Page 529

Report: This Machine Avoids Eye Contact with Fascists

Lauren Lavín • September 8, 2018

DAVIS, Calif. — Guitarist of Native Weeds, lifelong fan of Woody Guthrie, and avowed anti-fascist Benjamin Spelling showed his displeasure…

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How Dare You Boycott Nike When They Employ so Many Children of Color

Eric Navarro • September 8, 2018

Are you kidding me?! You’re gonna boycott Nike because they ran an ad starring a football player who was peacefully…

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Blogger Smirks at Laptop

Sam Rose • September 7, 2018

OAKLAND, Calif. — Recent trust-fund recipient and part-time blogger Nick Headon reportedly smirked yesterday while vigorously typing on his brand…

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Marilyn Manson Gets Spine Removed to Eat His Own Ass

Zac Townsend • September 7, 2018

LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that…

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Neck Tattoo Actually Best Part of Punk’s Job Interview

Jack Lewis • September 6, 2018

BALTIMORE — Local punk Rick Blairowitz blamed his prominent neck tattoo for his inability to be hired, despite it being…

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Court Rules Sublime Sticker Probable Cause to Search Vehicle

Bryant Smith • September 5, 2018

POMPANO BEACH, Fla. — The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled today that a Sublime sticker on the back of…

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Your Weekly Hardcoroscopes

The Hard Times Staff • September 5, 2018

Aries (March 21 - April 19) Aries, you can expect a much-needed break this week, when a months-long argument over…

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Untrue: Not Every Pop Punk Vocalist Successfully Sleeps With Underage Girls

Eric Navarro • September 4, 2018

As the singer and frontman for a moderately successful local pop punk band I’d like to dispel the damaging rumors…

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Punk Fucks Shit Up During Horah at Cousin’s Bar Mitzvah

M.J. Amory • September 4, 2018

BALDWIN, N.Y. — Eric Goldstein’s bar mitzvah celebration on Saturday was ruined by his older cousin Chris Meyers, who crowd-killed…

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Late Stage Capitalism: My Parents Are Raising My Rent

Eric Navarro • September 3, 2018

Comrades, the time is nigh! In socialist circles everywhere (mainly Twitter and Reddit) there have been whispers of the final…

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