Stephen Bell
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AUSTIN, Texas — Punk musician Miles Finney is forgoing a descent into heroin addiction and skipping right ahead to being…
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Bobby Korec
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MINNEAPOLIS — Pop-punk band Suburban Angst called an emergency band meeting on Friday to discuss a potential plan to write…
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Krissy Howard
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MARION, Ill. — Local nurse Ginnie Strathmore assured her friend Katie Nguyen this morning that the hacked-up, DIY haircut she…
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Dan Kozuh
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PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow…
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Amir Adan
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LOS ANGELES — Former child star Mary-Kate Olsen recounted yesterday her experience meeting her doppelgänger and “Full House” co-star Ashley…
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Louie Aronowitz
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NEWINGTON, Conn. — Diligently safety-conscious man James Sadler is staying vigilant about social distancing practices, unless his recent Tinder match…
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Patrick Crooks
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SEATTLE — Local punk Kyle Treacher has entered his third year of trying to break in a pair of Doc…
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Stephen Bell
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OUTLANDIA — Dastardly cartoon villain and sorcerer born of hellfire Kindfresser is still somehow completely P.C. despite his abhorrent, wicked…
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Alexandra Houle
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TORONTO — Local well-known-for-having-a-beard guy Will Hoover has finally invested in a hat after being asked to shave for a…
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Rose Vineshank
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When it comes to modern social issues, there are some racist white men who simply cannot see the light. And…
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