Kelley Greene
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BOSTON — Local mallard Ruddy assured his girlfriend that his odd corkscrew-shaped penis is what all duck phalluses look like,…
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Mark Hassenfratz
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WICHITA, Kan. — Local horror punk outfit Shattered Heirloom reportedly only writes songs about family trauma as they are influenced…
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Kathy Lynch
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LOS ANGELES — Software engineer Christina Perry pampered herself with a restorative seven-day weed and cough medicine binge to make…
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Doug Kolic
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ST. LOUIS, Mo. — The annual holiday gift exchange at Clarkson Valley Police Department consisted entirely of Punisher items for…
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Alex Vlahov
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BOSTON — Studies conducted at MIT show that when visiting a Chipotle Mexican Grill location, the person in front of…
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Daniel Freborg
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SAN DIEGO — Local man Andrew Hannigan was disappointed after joining a cult he incorrectly assumed was centered around depraved…
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Alexandra Houle
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DENVER — Local woman Margaret Phelmer is reportedly struggling to embrace her new polyamorous lifestyle following a disastrous haircut, concerned…
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Dan Bookbinder
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SOUTHBRIDGE, Mass.--Newly 40-year-old man Gregory Chaudhari is experiencing a new type of mid-life crisis like many others his age--the inability…
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Jordan Liffengren
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk dog Rex Pistols reportedly refuses to eat anything but Doc Martens boots, puzzled sources confirmed.…
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Peter Woods
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local Lord of the Rings Fan Eldridge Carey has shared his overwhelming appreciation for “the detail and…
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