PALO ALTO, Calif. — A hot new startup company just launched a revolutionary weather app for aging punks that lets you know if it’s cold enough to put a hoodie on, previously freezing sources confirmed.
“It’s like Shazam but for the weather. Or something like that,” said Jamie Ingram, creator of the Hoodie Weather app. “The key is its simplicity. Other weather apps are so complicated and give you way too much information. How hot is it? Is it raining? How much smoke is in the air today? Blah, blah, blah! We’ve studied our target demographic and chiseled our user experience down to the only thing they truly need to know: whether you need to wear a hoodie or not. Oh, and also a very reasonable subscription pricing model coming soon.”
Designer and aspiring YouTuber Alistair Cooper has been beta-testing the app for a few months.
“Honestly, I think this may be the greatest app I’ve ever used. It fits perfectly with my minimalist lifestyle. I own three utensils, one plate, four black shirts, two pairs of jeans, and one hoodie. I’ve essentially streamlined my life to the point where my only decision is whether or not to wear an extra hooded layer. More weather apps should tell you exactly what you need to know,” said Cooper. “And as a designer myself, it looks like something my idols might have created. It’s exactly what Dieter Rams meant when he said, ‘Good design is as little design as possible.’ And the way they used an orange button, like a calculator he designed one time, makes me think he would have loved it too.”
Apple CEO Tim Cook has shocked the world by fast-tracking the app for an Apple Design Award.
“Apple believes that a great app does only one thing well. And I’ve never seen an app that so perfectly delivers on its singular mission statement. I’m just sad Steve isn’t here to see this. He’d be crying tears of joy,” said Cook. “In fact, this brilliantly simple experience has me totally rethinking my own wardrobe. I’m seriously considering giving up my half-zip sweaters for a single ratty hooded garment. Now we just need an app that tells us Silicon Valley inhabitants if it’s cold enough for a Patagonia vest”
At press time, Ingram announced their follow-up, a finance app that lets you know if you’re still too poor to invest in your 401(k) this month.