Oh man, have you seen my Cybertruck? It’s so fucking sick, dude. Just look at it. It’s like something straight out of a 1980s dystopian future movie that would show some titties and full-frontal hairy bush.
It’s fully electric, has those headlights that look like a fucking Cylon from “Battlestar Galactica,” it’s just fucking amazing and I love it. But I think the thing I love the most about it is how it helped to bring about the most jaw-droppingly embarrassing government in the history of the human race.
Every time I get behind the wheel of this absolutely badass piece of machinery I just marvel at the technology and innovation that went into making this sick ass truck. First of all, it’s made out of stainless steel just like the DeLorean from “Back to the Future” and can tow up to 11,000 pounds which will come in handy if Elon Musk ever makes a Cyber boat that I can haul or if I ever need to tow another Cybertruck that has broken down or gotten stuck off-road in a small amount of dirt.
All that said though, it just makes me feel good knowing that a portion of the nearly $100,000 I spent on my Cybertruck has helped to fund a corrupt and incomprehensibly stupid regime built on a platform of mediocrity and world-ending greed.
I mean sure, the windshield cracked when an acorn fell on it and I can’t get a replacement for it for six months and there’s a weird rattling sound that I can’t seem to find. And also sometimes when I plug it in to charge it I get a shock and taste burnt almonds for the rest of the day and it kind of bums me out. But then I think about how Elon Musk is starting something called the Department of Government Efficiency, which he calls DOGE, and I start laughing my ass off. Sometimes I laugh so hard and I pass out and smack my head on the concrete. My doctor is legitimately concerned if it happens again I might die, so Elon please stop making me crack up so often.
Do you get it? It’s like those dog memes from fifteen years ago. It’s so genius! And I gotta say I just feel good about myself and how… sorry I just thought about “DOGE” again and started laughing. So good!