Opinion: Can You Believe They Named a Major U.S. City After the Band Chicago?
I just didn’t realize Chicago was that big. Like, sure, I’ve heard “Saturday in the Park” and “If You Leave…
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Ryan Dondero
42 stories found
Experts Say Newly Discovered French Cave Etching Is Likely the First Known Ragebait
BORDEAUX, France — Archaeologists at Les Cavernes de la Haute-Vézère discovered what experts believe may be the first known example…
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How To Determine Your Self-Worth by Checking How Many of Your Instagram Friends Are Tied to Semi-Well-Known Public Figures
You’ve been doing everything right. You’re hitting the gym. Eating better. Getting outside for walks with the dog. You’re cold-plunging,…
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Everyone at Coffee Shop Falls for Each Other After ‘Fade Into You’ Plays
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Patrons at a local coffee shop reportedly became infatuated with one another after Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into…
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Help! I Said “Sussudio” Three Times in the Bathroom Mirror and Now I’m Being Haunted by Phil Collins
It was my very first sleepover party, and everything was going great. My parents warned me that staying the night…
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Airbnb Checkout Instructions Include Reupholstering, Drywall Repair
LOS ANGELES — Local tourist Daniela Harper was stunned to discover her Airbnb checkout instructions included what most would call…
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Opinion: Fuck You, You Absolute Fucker — Guest Opinion by Your Dad Trying to Hang Icicle Christmas Lights
Alright, you fucking shitheads. You pieces of fucking garbage shit-fuck. You absolutely diabolical, fermented excuse for human shit-fuck excrement. Christ…
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Nice Try, Instagram! I Already Bought That Hat the Last Time You Advertised It to Me
Wow! You really think I’m that easy to fool, huh? All that time, money, and research invested in your precious…
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Opinion: I’m Sorry, Your Honor, but I Can Only Say “Yes” by Vocalizing the Riff From Collective Soul’s “Shine” and Then Singing “Yeah”
Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. My name is Terrence Holloway.…
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The Next Turnstile? This Boomer on Facebook Types in All Caps
Mention Turnstile around a hardcore kid and you’ll get a range of reactions. Some offer calm, measured takes like, “Good…
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