Everyone at Coffee Shop Falls for Each Other After ‘Fade Into You’ Plays
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Patrons at a local coffee shop reportedly became infatuated with one another after Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into…
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Ryan Dondero
39 stories found
Help! I Said “Sussudio” Three Times in the Bathroom Mirror and Now I’m Being Haunted by Phil Collins
It was my very first sleepover party, and everything was going great. My parents warned me that staying the night…
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Airbnb Checkout Instructions Include Reupholstering, Drywall Repair
LOS ANGELES — Local tourist Daniela Harper was stunned to discover her Airbnb checkout instructions included what most would call…
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Opinion: Fuck You, You Absolute Fucker — Guest Opinion by Your Dad Trying to Hang Icicle Christmas Lights
Alright, you fucking shitheads. You pieces of fucking garbage shit-fuck. You absolutely diabolical, fermented excuse for human shit-fuck excrement. Christ…
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Nice Try, Instagram! I Already Bought That Hat the Last Time You Advertised It to Me
Wow! You really think I’m that easy to fool, huh? All that time, money, and research invested in your precious…
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Opinion: I’m Sorry, Your Honor, but I Can Only Say “Yes” by Vocalizing the Riff From Collective Soul’s “Shine” and Then Singing “Yeah”
Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. My name is Terrence Holloway.…
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The Next Turnstile? This Boomer on Facebook Types in All Caps
Mention Turnstile around a hardcore kid and you’ll get a range of reactions. Some offer calm, measured takes like, “Good…
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Study Finds You Can Just Walk Out of Target With Stuff and You Probably Won’t Get Caught
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A new study from the University of Michigan revealed that you can basically just walk out…
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Warmer Weather Briefly Turns Punk Into Sublime Guy
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Steve “Vomit” Parker reportedly began his annual metamorphosis into a Sublime guy after temperatures cracked the…
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Help! Jeff Rosenstock Broke Into My House and Is Making Ska Versions of All of My Records
It all started three and a half weeks ago when Tall Mike left the fucking back door unlocked and ajar…
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