Airbnb Checkout Instructions Include Reupholstering, Drywall Repair
LOS ANGELES — Local tourist Daniela Harper was stunned to discover her Airbnb checkout instructions included what most would call…
Read More →
Ryan Dondero
37 stories found
Opinion: Fuck You, You Absolute Fucker — Guest Opinion by Your Dad Trying to Hang Icicle Christmas Lights
Alright, you fucking shitheads. You pieces of fucking garbage shit-fuck. You absolutely diabolical, fermented excuse for human shit-fuck excrement. Christ…
Read More →
Nice Try, Instagram! I Already Bought That Hat the Last Time You Advertised It to Me
Wow! You really think I’m that easy to fool, huh? All that time, money, and research invested in your precious…
Read More →
Opinion: I’m Sorry, Your Honor, but I Can Only Say “Yes” by Vocalizing the Riff From Collective Soul’s “Shine” and Then Singing “Yeah”
Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. My name is Terrence Holloway.…
Read More →
The Next Turnstile? This Boomer on Facebook Types in All Caps
Mention Turnstile around a hardcore kid and you’ll get a range of reactions. Some offer calm, measured takes like, “Good…
Read More →
Study Finds You Can Just Walk Out of Target With Stuff and You Probably Won’t Get Caught
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A new study from the University of Michigan revealed that you can basically just walk out…
Read More →
Warmer Weather Briefly Turns Punk Into Sublime Guy
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Steve “Vomit” Parker reportedly began his annual metamorphosis into a Sublime guy after temperatures cracked the…
Read More →
Help! Jeff Rosenstock Broke Into My House and Is Making Ska Versions of All of My Records
It all started three and a half weeks ago when Tall Mike left the fucking back door unlocked and ajar…
Read More →
Thrash Metal Fan Listens to Doom Metal Records at 78 RPM
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local thrash metal fan Zack Holloway reportedly plays doom metal records at 78 RPM in a desperate…
Read More →
Man Who Spent 40 Minutes Talking About Steely Dan on First Date Confident It Went Great
DALLAS — Local man Dave Hensley is confident that his first date with Rachel Caldwell went well, despite talking about…
Read More →