December 9, 2025
Alright, you fucking shitheads. You pieces of fucking garbage shit-fuck. You absolutely diabolical, fermented excuse for human shit-fuck excrement. Christ…
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November 28, 2025
Wow! You really think I’m that easy to fool, huh? All that time, money, and research invested in your precious…
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November 21, 2025
Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. My name is Terrence Holloway.…
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June 8, 2025
Mention Turnstile around a hardcore kid and you’ll get a range of reactions. Some offer calm, measured takes like, “Good…
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May 30, 2025
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A new study from the University of Michigan revealed that you can basically just walk out…
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May 6, 2025
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Steve “Vomit” Parker reportedly began his annual metamorphosis into a Sublime guy after temperatures cracked the…
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March 25, 2025
It all started three and a half weeks ago when Tall Mike left the fucking back door unlocked and ajar…
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March 12, 2025
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local thrash metal fan Zack Holloway reportedly plays doom metal records at 78 RPM in a desperate…
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February 21, 2025
DALLAS — Local man Dave Hensley is confident that his first date with Rachel Caldwell went well, despite talking about…
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December 27, 2024
SAN DIEGO — Local indie noise band Static Teeth, which consists of just a drummer and a guitarist, left confused…
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