ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local punk Roxy Molloy reportedly invited guests to bob for cigarettes at her annual Halloween party at DIY venue The Sharp,…
MOORESVILLE, N.C. — Lowe’s executives announced plans to introduce a 14-foot tall Glenn Danzig ahead of the upcoming Halloween season, confirmed multiple sources following a…
Names used to mean something. They carried weight, tradition, and integrity. But not, apparently, for Wildflower Trading Post and Gifts—an establishment as far removed from…
Go ahead and throw on a pair of thick, soft mittens or find a nice plush bath towel to place on your forehead because this…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Jack White issued a strongly worded cease and desist letter on a one-of-a-kind 7” forbidding the Republican candidate from using his songs…
NEW YORK — Local poser James Morgan reportedly wore a bald cap over his luscious head of hair in order to fit in at an…
Someone has got to stop him. He keeps doing it and it’s not funny. It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s not funny now,…
Oh shit. Oh fuck. I messed up so bad. This was NOT what I expected AT ALL. Adopting this portion of West Huguenot Road was…
KERFUFFLEVILLE — Bozo, a punk mouse living in the fictional children’s book town of Kerfuffleville, has reportedly taken up residence in a Marlboro Red carton,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local punk, Joel Locke, reportedly mistook a waitress’s inherent kindness as an invitation to make her watch a 2008 YouTube video of…
You know, it’s hard being an administrative assistant at the 7th most successful personal injury law firm in the larger Madison, Wisconsin metropolitan area. You…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Pathetic fucking nerd James Flick admitted that he knows the names of every band member in every single band he likes, confirmed…
I’m a very, very, VERY busy man. It’s SO HARD running a successful small business out of the back of my gigantic 2015 Ford F-150…
PHILADELPHIA — Local Punk, Sid Stott, announced his plans to improve his health and well-being by smoking healthier cigarettes in the New Yea, skeptical sources…
Well, well, well…look who we have here. If it isn’t Mr. “Punk” himself… That’s what you call yourself, right? “Punk”? That’s funny because I don’t…