SAN DIEGO — Local indie noise band Static Teeth, which consists of just a drummer and a guitarist, left confused showgoers wondering if the duo had time-traveled from 2011.
“I’m shocked, honestly. I didn’t see this coming at all,” said Abigail Moreno, a regular at the DIY venue Pit Stain. “Bands with just a drummer and a guitarist? Now? No way. I haven’t seen one since Bradley Cooper was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. I’m starting to think the only way Static Teeth exists is if they time-traveled from like, the early 2010s. They’re selling burned CDs at their merch table and telling people to follow them on MySpace and Tumblr. But that’s ridiculous, right? Time travel isn’t real…it couldn’t be.”
Bryce Shepard, drummer and vocalist for Static Teeth, says the theories surrounding the band are ludicrous and they are just like any other band.
“We aren’t musicians sent to the future to revive a dead scene, we are just a couple of guys trying to push sonic boundaries,” said Shepard, nervously sweeping his bangs from his eyes. “Yep. 2023 is when we were formed. That’s the year. Last year. 2023. We even have TikTok! Which everyone knows is an app for smartphones—not just a chart-topping Kesha song from 2009. Wow…2009. That sure was a long time ago, huh? TikTok has a lot of funny videos. But have you seen the music video for a song called ‘Friday’ by Rebecca Black? It’s hilarious!”
Dr. Rex Chronos, a self-proclaimed expert on time travelers and founder of the Council of Time Exploration, says it’s not out of the realm of possibility that a drummer/guitarist band might seek to time travel to the present day.
“Everyone remembers 2011 as the year of the royal wedding and ‘tiger blood,’ but it was also a year where it seemed like every other band was just a drummer and guitarist,” said Chronos. “If you were in a duo like that back then, you had a tough time gaining an audience. However, if you were the son of General Mark Shepard, who led the top secret Project Meridian at the DOD’s Cheyenne Mountain Complex, you could easily find yourself exploring new audiences across different times. I’m just sayin’.”
At press time, a frustrated Shepard was seen backstage trying to update his iPhone 4S.