Aging Millennial Remembers When MTV Still Played Music Videos at 4 a.m.
HYATTSVILLE, Md. — Local Millennial Dave Simmons, flipping through channels in the wee hours during a visit to his parents’…
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Patrick Crooks
161 stories found
Plans To Definitely Get Together Soon Now In Ninth Year
ATLANTA — College friends Aisha Brooks and Jason Haley promised to get together soon yet again today, just as they…
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2 Broke Girls Rebooted on OnlyFans
LOS ANGELES — CBS executives announced today the return of “2 Broke Girls” as an OnlyFans exclusive, following the success…
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“What Are You Going to Do, Ground Me?” Says 36-Year-Old About to Be Written Out of Will
FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the…
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Rest of Day Spent Trying to Determine if Compliment Was Backhanded
NEW YORK — Local man Graham Holt has spent his entire day today trying to determine if a compliment he…
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We Look Back on “Love in an Elevator” and Ask Why the Fuck We’re Listening To Aerosmith
“Love in an Elevator” is a song by Aerosmith that appeared on their 1989 album "Pump." If you are asking…
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Will You Adopt This Dog Despite It’s Views on the #Metoo Movement?
It’s time for our Adopt-a-Pet post of the week, in which we highlight wonderful pets that are looking for their…
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Poison Berries Only Vegan Option on Camping Trip
MARIPOSA, Calif. — A camping trip almost turned tragic last week as militant vegan Sage Hellier nearly died when poisonous…
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Lonely Guy Won’t Stop Sending Unsolicited Band Recs
CHICAGO — Local music aficionado Jeff Riley stands accused today of repeatedly sending unsolicited band recommendations to multiple irritated acquaintances,…
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Trump’s Approval Rating Reportedly 40% Among Last Remaining American
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed…
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