Man Gets Out of Bed to Take Nap on Couch
NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm,…
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Patrick Crooks — Page 12
162 stories found
We Look Back on Blur’s Hit “Woo-Hoo”
Hello there Hard Times readers! My grandchild, The Hard Times, is feeling under the weather today so they couldn't write…
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Bored Teen Looking at Dad’s Playboys Can’t Believe What People Used to Consider Porn
NAZARETH, Pa. — Local teen Brian Miller found his father’s old stash of Playboys while snooping through the garage late…
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Everyone on Space Flight Murdered by Man’s Emotional Support Xenomorph
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN EARTH AND LV-462 — The Weyland-Yutani Corporation has found themselves under intense scrutiny after a xenomorph alien slaughtered…
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Given That I’ve Exhausted My Library of Believable Excuses, I Feel I Should Tell You I Don’t Like Your Band
Hey! Just wanted to pop in and express my apologies for not being able to come to your show the…
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Grindr Reunites Father and Son
BEL AIR, Md. — Philidelphia transplant and Grindr user Brian Walsh was reunited with his estranged father Dale yesterday after…
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Prospect of Getting High Not Enough to Cancel Out Taste of Robitussin
WHEELING, W.V. — Local woman and drug enthusiast Lindsey Cruz reportedly turned down the opportunity to trip balls for less…
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Friendly, Helpful Record Store Employee Fired
ATHENS, Ga. — Record store clerk Jimmy Taylor, well-liked by customers for his attentiveness, knowledge of music, and generally affable…
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We Interview Gary Busey Because He Was in My House When I Got Home for Some Reason
Once in a while, a brilliant actor comes along that redefines the practice in ways that the ancient Greeks could…
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“I Didn’t Realize This Was a Gay Bar,” Man Says for Sixth Night in a Row
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Local man Brian Davis was shocked and surprised yet again last night that Backslide, the bar…
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