INDIANAPOLIS — Allegedly touring pop punk band Deaf Hippos is really blurring the line between actively playing shows outside their hometown and not having a…
BEATRICE, Neb. — Staunch conservative Todd Anderson vowed to limit his annual Disney World trips to slightly more than a baker’s dozen because he is…
GLENSIDE, Pa. — Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman vows to support universal healthcare for scene veterans, old heads, and all the real motherfuckers in the…
LOS ANGELES — “Avatar: The Way of Water” director James Cameron doubled down on his criticism of fans complaining about the film’s runtime stating that…
NEW YORK — Popular dictionary manufacturer Merriam-Webster made an unexpected change to the definition of “self-made” to include musicians with only one wealthy, connected parent,…
WASHINGTON — Outraged Republicans are spending millions in taxpayer money to send every child turned gay by Disney’s “Lightyear” a copy of 1986’s “Top Gun,”…
TUCKER, Ga. — Local musician Mark Shepherd vowed to master his new favorite song on guitar so long as it’s not in some weird tuning,…
WASHINGTON — Average consumers are feeling the pinch both metaphorically and literally as rising gas prices have resulted in them having to give up twice…
SMYRNA, Tenn. — Local toddler Lana Findlay was forced once again to play the parent and comfort her hysterical mom and dad following the viewing…
LOS ANGELES — An ominous and plentiful crest of white smoke poured out of podcaster and “Jackass” star Steve-O’s thoroughly misused and ill-treated ass signifying…
LOS ANGELES — A new film titled “Great Again” featuring famed director Clint Eastwood reciting and acting out boomer memes he came across on Facebook…
COLLINGSWOOD, N.J. — A local gang of librarians are accused of assaulting homeowner Jessica Wheatley over the installation of a “little free library” on her…
SUN VALLEY, Nev. — Local man and occasional masturbator Harrison Weber was disgraced after receiving his “2021 Pornhub Wrapped” late yesterday morning, which outlined all…
SALISBURY, Md. — Jim Perdue, the reclusive and quirky chairman of Perdue Farms, hid five golden tickets to tour his slaughterhouse in random chicken breasts…
MESA, Ariz. — Over-indulgent guitarist Marky Pritchard was careful to make sure none of his roommates were home before he churned out some truly masturbatory…