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John Frusciante, Flea “Fine” With Anthony Kiedis Naming Harmonious, Beautifully Intricate Song “Clappa Dap Funk Suckin’ Mama”

LOS ANGELES — Guitarist and bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, John Frusciante and Flea, satiated publicly that they are “totally fine, whatever” with lead singer Anthony Kiedis naming their melodic, intricate song “Clappa Dap Funk Suckin’ Mama.”

“After a decade away, what made me want to rejoin the band was the special relationship I have with Flea. And with Chad behind the kit, the magic we create is just too special to ignore. Oh and Anthony is there, as well. Nice guy,” explained RHCP guitarist Frusciante, while sheepishly looking around the room. “Recently, Flea and I were totally in the pocket jamming on a new track. It was this really sophisticated groove that blends early Parliament and some Buzzcocks, with even a little Halim El-Dabh. Anthony heard it and immediately started writing lyrics about ‘a chick who was some type of Spanish’ that he banged at one of Diddy’s white parties. Took him no more than five minutes to write all the lyrics on a used napkin.”

The frequently maligned Kiedis explained his songwriting process.

“I don’t know if it’s just my years of experience, or perhaps something supernatural even, but sometimes lyrics just pour out of me. And that’s exactly what happened with ‘Clappa Dap Funk Suckin’ Mama.’ To the untrained plebeian, lyrics like ‘suckin’ on mine in a 69,’ or even ‘ding dang dang dong dong dang’ might seem like the ravings of a drooling, poon-crazy lunatic. But there’s actually a much deeper meaning to it all,” explained Kiedis while gesticulating his arms wildly. “Of course, I can’t just explain how and why my lyrics are so profound, but true fans understand that there are many layers to ‘Catholic School Girls rule.’”

Music historian Susannah Fitzpatrick cited other examples of bands with tenuous relationships with lead singers.

“The history of rock and roll is riddled with tight knit, talented musicians forced to tolerate blustery and obnoxious lead singers. While I imagine it is very difficult for these brilliant bands to deal with the David Lee Roths and Fred Dursts of the world, hopefully the millions of dollars, legion of adoring fans, and plentiful, selfish sex is enough consolation for them,” said Fitzpatrick. “As for Kiedis, while some fans may deride his ability, the fact is, there is no Chili Peppers without Anthony. You think Flea could’ve come up with putting a tube sock on his dick? Yeah right.”

At press time, a frustrated Frusciante already started planning his third departure from the band.