CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski earned a tidy sum of $523 last week after nearly two dozen tourists mistook her dark and foreboding…
CINCINNATI — Self-described anarcho-punk and Wells Fargo bank teller Gary Morin claimed again today that he only took his job 12 years ago to bring…
Recently, the elitist SJWs of The Hard Times took a moment out of our busy lives of canceling posers to visit some dusty old butthole…
WILMINGTON, Del. — An alarming new study out of the University of Delaware finds that the average millennial punk has to steal significantly more from…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Model train enthusiast and man possibly on the brink of madness Jonathan Mackay is reportedly “sick and tired” of finding crust punk…
Is this the real life Billie Joe Armstrong? Recently, the punk rock and alternative music experts of The Hard Times discovered a man that takes…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Indie noise band Gifthorse is knee-deep in a heated, one-sided rivalry this week with the generally “nice dudes” in fellow local band…
DUNWOODY, Ga. — Recently dumped dirtbag Jimmy Crocetta is allegedly hoping his ex-girlfriend Christina Jindra will want to still remain friends, send him nudes, and…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A man wearing a faded, several-years-old novelty Labatt Blue hockey jersey at an all-ages show last week marked the unofficial end…
GREENVILLE, Vt. — Lifelong Greenville resident Jordan Mateusz struggled to recall yesterday which of the many tragedies that befell his hometown prompted the creation of…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his shit don’t stink” because he…
LONDON — Virtual alt-rock band Gorillaz sparked outrage last week by replacing long-time cartoon bassist Murdoc Niccals with the General, the animated spokesperson of The…
LEVITTOWN, Pa. — Couple Samantha Dean and Adrian Benezette realized after visiting Benezette’s hometown last week that a poorly run, highly dangerous backyard wrestling show…
URBANA, Ill. — Critically-acclaimed emo band American Football was fooled again this week by an early September spike in online traffic, after millions of football…
HORSHAM, Pa. — Local uncle and baby boomer Don Waldemire added the incredibly popular, carbonated alcoholic beverage White Claw today to his ever-growing list of…