Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

August 26, 2020

SIOUX CITY, Iowa. — Local man Derrick Carney was mercilessly beaten within an inch of his life last night not…

August 19, 2020

PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not…

August 13, 2020

Lester William Polsfuss, better known by his stage name Les Paul, was a pioneering musician and the inventor of perhaps…

August 5, 2020

ANDALUSIA, Pa. — A group of preteen boys playing in the woods yesterday were “totally meh” after stumbling upon a…

July 27, 2020

SANTE FE, N.M. — A coworker you loathed with every fiber of your being strutted around your funeral yesterday telling…

July 25, 2020

BLUFFINGTON — Roger Klotz, son of famed monster truck driver Edwina Klotz and former middle school bully, is “a fucking…

July 22, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — An anonymous protestor sporting a distinctive mohawk, dozens of gold chains, and American flag Zubaz pants was spotted…

July 8, 2020

SARASOTA, Fla. — Local musician, blog editor-in-chief, stand-up comedian, and medical records clerk Geordie Warren has his only real paying…

July 5, 2020

CRYSTAL COVE — A team of amateur sleuths and their Great Dane known as “Mystery Inc.” got more than they…

July 5, 2020

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local depressed woman Jane Lively mindlessly broke the hot dog-eating world record yesterday after consuming 76 weiners…