John Danek, Author at HARDTIMES

September 27, 2019

OXFORD, England — An android created by the Oxford Department of Engineering has reportedly worried incessantly since the mid-’90s that…

September 24, 2019

NEW YORK — NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell held a press conference at NFL Headquarters to announce that their terrifying new…

September 23, 2019

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Pasty white guy Michael Stephenson alarmed friends and loved ones by vocalizing that he had absolutely no…

September 23, 2019

The Hard Times needed a win. Facebook has been choking our traffic, and our fans won't stop tagging their friends…

September 18, 2019

Ok, I admit it. I never assumed anyone would actually take me up on my Facebook post encouraging friends to…

September 15, 2019

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the…

September 6, 2019

TRENTON, N.J. — Local music fan and extreme demophobe Sally Englund had an unexpectedly pleasant experience last night at her…

September 3, 2019

BROOKLYN — Two patients waiting in the Dr. Smiles dentist office were seen wearing the same shirt featuring Canadian tech-death…

August 28, 2019

BURLINGTON, Vt. — A copy of Dean Koontz’s “The Good Guy” was found beaten and battered on a local bookshelf…

August 28, 2019

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — A merch cashier at Little Rock’s Verizon Arena apologized profusely last night to a gaggle of…