ROSWELL, N.M. — Local bachelor Ian Rael felt optimistic about his first Hinge date with Emily Backovich, an event that she will need to unpack…
LOS ANGELES — The lone mic stand at music venue The Kick Drum in eastern Los Angeles “fucking blows” and won’t stop drooping down seconds…
EL PASO, Texas — Post-hardcore band Asbestocide reportedly sold out what little cred they’ve obtained by not including free swag such as stickers or buttons…
It’s 2021 and it’s about damn time we feel comfortable discussing our personal traumas. And speaking of 2021, we have yet another universal pain to…
NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered the More Paul, sources who…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Multiple residents of California filed a class action lawsuit against any bands who included new material on a “Greatest Hits” compilation album,…
The gap between rich and poor widens each year. Jeff Bezos takes his billions to space while Elon Musk trolls global economics with meme tweets.…
As an elder millennial, I experience a lot of pressure to assume more responsibility than I may necessarily be ready for. Unfortunately, buying a house…
Being a musician isn’t as glamorous as Hollywood will have you believe. It’s not all overnight success and invulnerability to lethal amounts of cocaine. You…
TORONTO — Bashful punk guitarist Skyler Vore acquired a new Orange Rockerverb amp last week, but chose the understated, subtle black tolex color instead of…
EUGENE, Ore. — Ska/swing revival band Cherry Poppin’ Daddies shared a long-awaited apology accepting blame for their whole deal, including, but not limited to, their…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
DENVER — Local man Ian Vernor horrified his roommates yesterday by inauspiciously sniffing his pointer and middle fingers, recoiling in muted disgust, then thrusting his…
LAS VEGAS — Guitar Zone manager Ian Potts experienced a sudden onset of post-traumatic stress disorder caused by hearing a perfect cacophony of loud, amateur…
FREDERICK, Md. — Amateur skateboarder and recovering alcoholic Jude Gannon achieved a longstanding career goal of acquiring a sponsor in the form of an Alcoholics…