Top 5 Small Items to Randomly Shoplift From Target Cuz Your Dad Pissed You Off
So, you find yourself at Target for some reason trying to cool down after your old man was on your…
Read More →
Dan Kozuh — Page 24
432 stories found
Beto Writes 311 Lyrics On Hand Before Debate So He Won’t Forget Them
WESTERVILLE, Ohio — Struggling Democratic contender Beto O'Rourke wrote several popular lyrics by alternative/metal band 311 on the palm of…
Read More →
Punk Becomes First Member of Family to Drop out of College
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Brown University freshman Matthew Davis made history earlier this week by becoming the first member of his…
Read More →
Catwoman Reminds Comic Con Hookup That After This Weekend Their Relationship Is No Longer Canon
NEW YORK — Erica Matthison, a New York Comic Con attendee dressed as Catwoman, reportedly told her con hookup late…
Read More →
“She’s Going to Break Some Hearts When She Gets Older,” Says Local Creep About Child
DUBLIN, Ohio — Local creep Alex Gallarzo commented openly yesterday afternoon on the future sexuality of a six-year-old girl while…
Read More →
If Greta Thunberg is Old Enough to Speak in Front of the UN, She is Old Enough to Accept My Invitation to Mortal Kombat
Greta Thunberg, poster child for the radicalization of our youth, spoke in front of the members of the United Nations…
Read More →
Five Great Gifts for Dad That Are All the Shawshank Redemption on DVD
What do you get for the man who seems to have no personality or interest in anything whatsoever? Every year…
Read More →
I Don’t Want to Be Rich, I Just Want to Be Comfortable Enough to Be Invited to One of Those ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ Sex Parties
I’m a simple man that likes the simple things in life. I like rare steak, cold beer, and fishing on…
Read More →
Striking GM Workers Give Subpar Folk Singer a Firm “Thanks, but No Thanks”
DETROIT — Striking GM auto workers politely rejected yesterday folk singer Joe Nash’s offer to play inspiring, Americana labor ballads…
Read More →
Artist Who Hasn’t Produced Anything in Two Years Doesn’t Want Antidepressants Stifling His Creativity
CHICAGO — Local artist Joe Burns is reportedly refusing to take any form of antidepressants for his crippling mental illness,…
Read More →