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“She’s Going to Break Some Hearts When She Gets Older,” Says Local Creep About Child

DUBLIN, Ohio — Local creep Alex Gallarzo commented openly yesterday afternoon on the future sexuality of a six-year-old girl while in line at the Dublin area Kroger, according to shocked onlookers.

“I was in the checkout line, when out of nowhere, this total stranger told me my daughter is ‘beautiful’ and will ‘definitely break hearts when she’s older,’” the mother of the anonymous child said. “He talked about how pretty her blue eyes were, then looked me up and down and said, ‘Yep, the boys are going to love her.’ Why did he feel the need to say this?”

Indeed, other shoppers expressed their dismay at Gallarzo’s comment. A few mothers in line blocked their own children from the man’s view while others just glared at him, but Gallarzo defended the “compliment” and the low-whistle he emitted upon seeing the child.

“It was just small talk. I’m not attracted to children,” Gallarzo said. “All I’m saying is that I can see that, judging by a lot of her features, one day, many years from now, she’s going to be really sexy. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Stop writing this down.”

Gallarzo has garnered a reputation for unsolicited, uncomfortable comments to random citizens. He’s been known to demand people parked in handicapped spaces tell him what’s wrong with them, ask prying questions of the town’s few lesbian couples, and hang out at the local dog park — despite not owning a dog.

“Sometime last year, I was walking my daughter to her first day of kindergarten… and he came out of nowhere and said, ‘Hoooo, Mama! I need to sign up for email alerts to know when she turns 18,’ all while lowering his sunglasses,” said local mother Abbey Madden. “Keep in mind, this was early in the morning and the sun was barely up. Thankfully, I carry a can of pepper spray with me, and when I whipped that out he ran off. If my husband ever sees him in public we’re going to need a good lawyer.”

Ultimately, Gallarzo was forced to leave the Kroger after trying to talk about ‘Fortnite’ with a grade school soccer team.