Opinion: Come Over Here and Say That Shit September 25, 2020 What did you just say to me? Why don’t you come over here and say that shit, mother fucker?! Yeah,… Read More →
Punk Wins Custody of Suicidal Tendencies, Metal Awarded Visitation Every Other Weekend September 12, 2020 VENICE, Calif. — Punk rock was granted near-full custody today of seminal punk/metal band Suicidal Tendencies, with Metal receiving alternating… Read More →
5’3″ Goth 6’2″ in Shoes September 10, 2020 ALBANY, N.Y. — Local single Tomas Hart was stunned to learn yesterday that Marianne Shaw, a goth woman with whom… Read More →
Frontman Quickly Closes Rhymezone Tab When Friend Walks Into Room September 10, 2020 FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Clint Herrera, the songwriter and lead singer for local punk band Dios Muerte, frantically tried to close… Read More →
Shazamed Death Metal Song Lists 7,203 Possible Matches September 5, 2020 CHICAGO — Local metal fan Tracy O’Brien attempted to use the popular music identification app Shazam today to identify a… Read More →
Top 5 Zappa Tracks To Play So Visitors Know This Party Is Over, Please Leave September 4, 2020 It’s 1 a.m., the party is winding down, most of your real friends have left, and there are just a… Read More →
Let’s Go To Walmart To Protest Their Unfair Wage Practices and Maybe Buy Some Essentials While We’re There September 3, 2020 Hey everyone! I just heard the Walmart over on Chestnut fired some employees because they were talking about unionizing so… Read More →
Report: Shields May Be as Low as 30% August 31, 2020 THE GHOST NEBULA — While battling the warrior race, The Zardecks, experts on the Spaceship Baychimo, warn that the ship’s… Read More →
Superman Banishes General Zod to Tucker Carlson Guest Box August 30, 2020 METROPOLIS — After a brutal and bloody battle through the downtown section of the city, Superman defeated the ruthless General… Read More →
Mötley Crüe Still Thinks About Woman Who Flashed Them From Audience in 1989 August 30, 2020 HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Every member of seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe have, several times a year, thought back to… Read More →